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Sharon Stone

Frederic Injimbert/ZUMApress.com

Oh, heavens. I'm always doing something I'm not supposed to do. If I'm not getting criticized for not digging Sharon Stone's slit-up-to-her-butt-cheeks dress at a charity benefit last week (therefore I'm supposed to stay mum on the subject?), as next week's mailbag will attest, well, then the folks at my old stomping ground--Premiere mag, where this column was begun by moi--think I'm nasty-ass stuff.

"ABSOLUTELY NOT," replied their flack's email--all in caps, in case I missed gathering her sub-zero chill factor in lower-case--when I requested to attend their annual Women in Hollywood do (something, ironically, I helped begin), for old time's sake.

Hmmm. Do I have a reputation or something? Fine. Who cares? Life's short, right? And if anybody agrees with me, it's the following big-hair broad. Now, she probably won't like me letting you in on what I'm about to, but Jeez, the point is: Go for what you want, already!

Christina Aguilera

Nancy Kaszerman/ZUMApress.com

They just don't come more delightfully diva-esque than Miss Xtina (Christina Aguilera to you hets). And Ms. A., who married shy dork and music producer Jordan Bratman not that long ago, just creamed all her naysayers by getting a big ol' hit with a retro-esque album (her third) called Back to Basics.

Now, C. has teamed up with Diddy for a track entitled "Tell Me." And for those of us who are still laughing from the Didster's fiery James Bond-inspired production (for his clothing line) at the Macy's fashion show last week--D. really does think he's hot double-0 s--t reincarnated, but double oh-please is more like it--we're def wondering if hangin' with Diddy may have had a residual over-the-top effect on sweet (hardly!) Ms. A.

Take Xtina's list of dressing-room requirements. This is a very stern edict which her peeps distributed to some worker bees before a recent professional appearance by Aguilera--the exact one of which I've been sworn to secrecy, for obvious revenge-seeking reasons.

Christina Aquilera Dressing Room Rider

1 Case of Fiji or Arrowhead water, small size 12 room temp & 12 cold (NO Evian)
1 Case of assorted sodas-Diet & Regular
1 Container of clean ice for drinks and a sleeve of cold cups
1 Package of straws
1 Small Fruit platter - please include sliced green apples
1 Veggie tray - please include sliced cucumbers
1 Electric Tea Pot to make hot water (no substitutions)
Coffee set up to include:
2 whole lemons please supply a knife
1 honey bear
2 real coffee mugs and a sleeve of hot cups with lids
Mint tea
Green tea
Skim Milk
1 Bottles of Jordan Cabernet wine
1 Bottle of Santa Margarita Pinot Grigio (Cold)
1 Bottle Opener and 4 wine glasses
1 Bottle of Cardenal Mendoza (Spanish Brandy)
4 White hand towels
4 White bath towels
3 L'Occitaine vanilla scented candle with matches
1 Cozy blanket
1 Pack of Ice Breakers Breath Mints, blue pack
2 Packs of Orbit Gum Spearmint
1 Bag of Riccola Honey cough drops (individual in bag)
1 Bottle of Purrell Hand Sanitizer
4 Packages of alchohol swabs
1 Full length Mirror
1 Stereo or boom box with CD player
1 Space heater
1 DVD Player and TV

Wait, wait, wait! There's more: "Please make sure room is dimly lit," the rider requests at the end of its mucho royal requests, "and all windows can be covered. Warm and cozy, please."

Madonna

Nathan Strange/ZUMApress.com

But of course! And thanks so much for sayin' pleasey-poo, Ms. X.! Knew I loved ya for a reason. But will all those venue managers for C.A.'s upcoming Back to Basics tour, I wonder?

Oh, prolly not. As with that other lavish lass, Madonna--who likes to require whole gyms to be set up for her hotel suite stays (beats portable Kabbalah dens, doncha think?)--X-babe will be crucified for it all, I'm sure.

Or not? Shock me, sexist world, go ahead!