Eva Longoria, Tony Parker

Paul Fenton/ZUMApress.com

Talk about a hairy sitch! On the very same Friday rumors were flying about Eva Longoria and longtime beau Tony Parker breaking up, Eva-hon herself was slated to host the opening of mane man Ken Paves' swanky salon. All went down, 'course, on Hell-Ay's paparazzi-infested Robertson Boulevard. Ya know, where Linds likes to crash 'n' burn the most (or the most infamously, I guess I should say).

The freshly combed-out carpet was abuzz with questions among us press types: Would the tiny vixen bring Tony along to shut up those negative Nellies? Would she come alone and duck in through a side door? Would she come at all--or shirk her follicle-hosting duties and hide at home?

Well, Eva did indeed arrive (albeit very late), lookin' fab and relatively fancy-free in a tight silk frock. You expected baggy denim? E.L. smiled 'n' mugged for the photogs, along with Ken-doll, Jessica Simpson and Carmen Electra. But that was the end of her exposure for the night. As soon as the flashbulbs stopped popping, Eva hightailed it down the carpet and inside the safety of the salon, where press was not allowed.

Ken Paves

Lester Cohen/WireImage.com

And that makes me thinks the bustup rumblings aren't just rumors. See, Eva is always, like, way happy to talk (and talk and talk) about her sexuality, her vibrator, her boyfriend, her hair and all that other stuff she yaps about like some kind of well-coiffed and horny Pomeranian.

Not only did Ms. L. dodge us print types, which must have been veddy hard for this beautiful barking type, but the normally chatty chica didn't even do any TV press.

Quelle horreur!

Jessica Simpson

Lester Cohen/WireImage.com

So this breakup biz simply must be serious if Eva's eschewing face time. I'm sure you won't sleep tonight over it--I know I won't. Plus, if all was well in the Longoria-Parker paradise, doncha think she'd be dying to say so?

More talkative types included Jess (who looked aeons better without the red lips and messy hair she sported to the opening of Area last week) and Ken, who couldn't stop gabbin' about his plethora of faux-hair products.

Unless, of course, you asked them about Eva, as did one ballsy TV gal (not I), even though we'd been strictly forbidden to do so. "Any idea how your friend Eva is doing?" Desk Cojones asked Simpson directly. "I haven't gotten to talk to her yet!" dodged Jess. "Her hair looks great!" Ken added. "Yeah, her hair looks awesome!" Jess parroted.

Jessica Simpson

Alexandra Wyman/WireImage.com

Hysterical. It's like Bob Woodward grilling a bunch o' Delta Nu gals about the sorority president busting up with her football beau, and they're all covering for her--love it!

Tangled sitches, coiffure-wise, continued to be the choice topic of carpet chat. I asked Jess if she'd ever had heinous hair trauma, as that was clearly the only area she was prepared to give a poop about. "My hair was, like, to my waist...I was a Texas girl," Jess began.

"It was, like, long hair that was only processed with Aqua Net and highlights. And somebody bleached it, and then they had to cut it because everything broke off!"

Nick's ex continued her travail as if it were the most devastating thing that had ever occurred in her 26-year-old existence (perhaps it was?): "And then, all of a sudden, my record label completely freaked out and called. They were like, 'Who does extensions? This guy named Ken. He does J.Lo. You're going to him tonight.' "

So, Ken came to the rescue, and the rest is perfectly orchestrated sound-bite history.

Carmen Electra

Eric Neitzel/WireImage.com

Expertly coiffed Carmen Electra also blamed her home state for her hair traumas. "Well, I'm from Ohio, and in the '80s and early '90s, perms were very popular," said Carm. "I had my mom give me a perm probably about once a month. It's not the best look, and it really fries your hair."

(Thankfully, I've never had any personal perm experience, but I had classmates channeling poodles who did.)

"I look back at those photos, and they make me laugh," Carm continued. "Sorta New Jersey inspired, hair-sprayed up really high...What can you do?"

 

  • Share
  • Tweet
  • Share