Last Monday, I was blabbing on about how Toothy Tile's b-f dumped him because the poor boy just got so damn sick and tired with Tooth-babe always wanting to do it in public, never in their damn bed. Now, Toothy (who, let me say, yet again, is not Keanu Reeves or even Tom Cruise), the famous actor who's apparently thisclose to coming out, is, I'm afraid to report, back to being thisclose to abso-friggin'-lutely never coming outta the closet.
See, not only does T.T. so adore his fairly new, huge-butt fame (and doesn't want to see it dissipate), he likes his nooky on the dirty side: naughty and devilish, hence, Tooth's preference for getting it on, dangerously, where he might get caught. La Boyfriend got fed with this predictable kinkiness and bolted, as I reported. But when I did pass this public poop along, I asked you, La Reader, where was the weirdest place you copulated, and if you were so inclined to go for a repeat performance.
You know, sorta like how Kirsten Dunst reportedly revealed (but later denied by the star's chastising rep) to London's News of the World, when she was surmising why she and that hunky stud-puff, Jake Gyllenhaal, couldn't last:
"We tried to spice things up--we had sex in the bathroom and even by the sea."
Well, Ms. D., all I have to say is you have plenty of company, both celeb and otherwise. I mean, the response from Awful-ites to my query was overwhelming, as big as my hair used to be! Feedback was enormous, real Jeff Probst-size stuff, to be sure. That scintillatingly said, I now give you--interspersed with daring do-me confessions from the more celebrated--what all you game gals 'n' guys like to do with the lights not only on--but on you!
From (a Stalled) Nick Lachey, via the British Star: " 'The strangest place I have ever had sex is the airport bathroom.' Nick also enjoys outdoor sex. The pop heartthrob admits he is a huge fan of alfresco lovemaking because he gets turned on by the thought of getting caught."
From (a Policed) Tambi B. in Sebastopol, California: The parking lot, Anthony's Pier 4, in Boston with a college beau. A cop caught us, but he went away while we finished. We got off, then got a warning.
From (a Eucharistic) D.M. in New York City: I agree that gossip and sex are the best drugs I've found, and to answer your question, the most nontraditional place I've ever gotten it on was in a church--at the urging of a college boyfriend who had some issues with his Catholic upbringing. I would definitely not want to repeat it, as it was somewhat terrifying.
From (a Cordoned-Off) Christina Aguilera and Jordan Bratman, Via GQ: A secret celebrity nightspot in London.
From (an Itchy) Tom L. in Los Angeles: I'd have to say the most unusual or exciting place I ever had sex was out in the woods. Starkers, rolling around in the underbrush. I would not do it again. No poison ivy, but mosquito bites in unpleasant places.
From (an Animated) Karen C. in East Hampton, Massachusetts: In back of Space Mountain at Disney World.
From (an Exhausted) Lara P.: Lady Bird Johnson Park (B.J.); Theodore Roosevelt Park (intercourse); balcony, the Breakers (intercourse), huge audience; backseat, my car; movie theater; friend's car on a road trip to Atlantic City; American Airlines red-eye from San Fran to NYC (we booked our seats carefully--last row, no one behind us).
From (a Grass-Stained) George Michael, Via Myriad, and I Mean Myriad, Journalistic Entities of Every Variety: Parks. Lots of parks, including Will Rogers Memorial Park here in Beverly Hills and London's Hampstead Heath, across the pond. Hey, beats a dark alley, right? Gimme flashy 'n' sunny over trashy 'n' runny, any day! (I think Nick Carter, doing it on his WaveRunner in the Florida Keys, agrees. By the shameless-plug by, Nick-babes' House of Carters premieres Monday, Oct. 2.)
From (an Also Spent) Kerr M. in Madison, Wisconsin: On the pool table in the church choir rec room; a diving raft that had a bright light shining on it so anyone on the beach could see; the bottom of the back stairwell of a gay bar; the top-floor stairwell of a parking garage; the alley behind the town library; the back entrance of a federal courthouse; a cathedral parking lot; a car parked in the driveway of my friend's parents' house.
From (a Hairy) Kimberly A.: My favorite "out there" location has been the Phoenix Zoo. Something about the thrill of being caught by animals or people struck a chord with me!
From (a Rather Tame) Gabriela R.: The most random place I've banged someone was the balcony in my hookup's summer house overlooking Cabo San Lucas.
From (a Greasy) J.D.V.: Roof of KFC; office table of KFC; biscuit table of KFC (sorry, all you biscuit-eaters--ooh, did I just make a pun?); coffee station of KFC.
From (a Gross) K.S. in Florida: In college, I got it on with this guy inside the science building in the storage room for the dead cats the nursing majors worked on. No, would not do that again, it was fun and exciting at the time, but to this day 20 years later, whenever I get any whiff of formaldehyde, that is what I think of!
From (a Still-Clothed) Winona Ryder, Via Every News Service out There: Oh, wait, my bad! I forgot W.R. was shopping, not sexing, it up at Saks back in 2001. Same diff, right? Insert anything with Hugh Grant off of the Sunset Strip here, instead (Divine Brown sure did!).
From (a Really Happy Ending) Alison Valenziano in Reseda, California: I met up with this hot guy, and we ended up doing it on the hood of a car behind Casa de Carlos in Woodland Hills. We dented the hood of the car (which he was selling, he's in the car biz). It was the hottest sex ever. That was our first "date," nearly six years ago. We've been married now for two and a half. And it's still hot.
From (a Bell-Ringing) Ann C.: The rooftop of a church building while church was in progress. Oops!
From Casey Hamilton in Seattle: Would have to be, hands down, at Oral Roberts University's Mabee Center during one of Oral's "seminars" (read: fleecing the flock). I was a student (don't ask, poor judgment as a teenager, but didn't we all have that issue) and was working food service for the seminar. My boyfriend was the food service manager, and we snuck away for a little nooky after setting up the lunch service. Doing it while Oral was preaching was definitely surreal.
From Ted Casablanca of Hell-Ay, Via His Smut-Obsessed Missive, the Awful Truth: Classiest? KLM, first class, natch. Tackiest: Long Island Railroad, in a car, darlings, not on the tracks.
Whew! Hope that leaves y'all with enough salacious wanderings (and wonderings) till Monday's Blind baby. No?
Well, there's this little button called the Blind Spot on my index page. Go there. Sometimes repeat performances are better the second time around!