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Jake Gyllenhaal

Lisa O'Connor/ZUMAPress.com

Kittens, dude-diva dirt to get to, but first, remember how I said last week I'd love nothing more than to see Jake Gyllenhaal hangin' out with Mance again? Well, seems my hideously horny prayers were answered.

My fave (and yours too, I know) threesome hit my very own home state for the UT football game against Ohio State. Too much mahnly fun...but ain't it so freakin' tragic that those Longhorns lost? I'm just cryin' into my sugar-free Red Bull over here, as I'm sure the boys were.

Anyhow, I hear that J&L&M crashed at Matty's Austin pad while doin' their sweaty thang in Texas. No word on whether they trolled the Sixth Street bars searchin' for some southern-lass ass like they love to do in Hell-Ay, but Lance and Jake were spotted peepin' the Gnarls Barkley concert at Stubb's.

Penelope Cruz

George Pimentel/WireImage.com

No Matt-man in sight! What gives?

And it just so happens that Matt's on the list all by his lonesome for the same invite-only show Friday night. Could Lance be auditioning Jakey as a possible replacement right-hand man? 'Cause back before this Tejas trip, M.M. was spotted leavin' lunch with none other than ex amore Penélope Cruz at Madeo in Bev Hills, leadin' some to suspect a romance reunion.

Quelle horreur! Maybe Lance is worried about losing his main partner in chica-crazed crime?

Really though, he shouldn't be getting his feathers ruffled yet, as Penélope swore she and Matty are "just friends" while doin' press for her new flick Volver.

Whew! (That exclamatory sigh is complete with knowledge from yours truly that the aforementioned statement is, for a change, entirely accurate.)

Austin Nichols

Rena Durham/ZUMApress.com

Plus, Jake isn't a one-BFF-only type of guy himself. The popular dude stepped out on his own pre-Texas trip too, fetchin' coffee with former costar Austin Nichols in Bev Hills.

And I think it'd be a good idea for Lance to follow in Matt and Jake's friendly footsteps and reach out to someone from his own past. Why doesn't he take his former bitchin' old lady Sheryl Crow out to lunch for old times' sake? (Don't think it might not happen.)

I did just adore them together, and I'm almost reaching my Mance maximum these days, if you can believe it. They're becoming as overexposed as Lindsay Lohan's nether regions recently.

Doncha love it when the dudes get equal diva-outta-control opportunity? I sure do!

Remember when I exclusively broke that Brad Pitt was a lone hold-out (before all his demands were met) on Ocean's Thirteen? Yep, got another pissy-pro sitch brewin' (but with some diff dudes, this time) on a far less glam level, I should warn ya.

Not that the following scenario I'm about to let you in on is any less artistically worthy, in fact, I think it's more so than the glitzy, stud-thief franchise, above. But suffice it to say, the producers involved ain't gonna be offering private jets 'n' such to accommodate the recalcitrant star, as was done with one Monsieur Pitt.

Remember the Original Kings of Comedy, a bitchin' Spike Lee film about the stand-up tour (by the same name) travails of Steve Harvey, Bernie Mac, Cedric the Entertainer and D.L. Hughley? Well, I do.

It was fierce, funny and a hit. No wonder, then, that the producers of both the original tour, as well as the flick, are trying to get all four comics corralled for a 2007 summer tour, again, to be filmed for posterity and pissiness.

Steve Harvey

Nancy Kaszerman/ZUMApress.com

Prob being only three of the guys have said yes. There's one very prickly man who's bein' a real royal type, so I hear, about all the plans, holding up the whole damn he-bang. Wonder who it is?

Readers, cast your votes pronto! (More deets la-tuh next week.)

Catfight P.S.: Bernie Mac, remember, has never been too fond of the way he claims Steve Harvey put him down on the radio...