The Marine

WWE star John Cena is a marine who doesn't play by the rules and accidentally foils a diamond thief, thanks to his amazing ability to outrun CG explosions. For anyone who waxes nostalgic for the heyday of Seagal and Van Damme.

By Luke Y. Thompson Oct 13, 2006 10:04 PMTags

Cena is John Triton, a marine who gets the job done but disobeys orders sometimes--and gets discharged for it, which forces him to go home and have sex with his gorgeous wife Kelly Carlson.

Unfortunately, the two happen to accidentally cross paths with diamond thief Robert Patrick and his gang of inept goons, one of whom (Anthony Ray Parker, best known as Dozer in the original Matrix) is tormented by a childhood experience involving rock candy.

Still, the villains might have gotten away with it if not for John Triton's amazing ability to outrun CG explosions. It's hard to fully assess Cena as a star: He's all too often pushed to the background so Patrick can ham it up some more, but that may not be a bad thing, since many WWE fans resent having Cena pushed to the foreground anyway.

Full-price tickets are tough to endorse in this case, but if you're the kind of fan who digs movies like Road House and waxes nostalgic for the heyday of Seagal and Van Damme, you owe it to yourselves to at least rent this one someday.

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