Len Goodman was out for blood tonight, and while the audience may have booed him to the end of time, we found ourselves agreeing with pretty much everything he said.
Heather Morris was a little too cocky with her hip hop jive, and Nick Viall needs to calm down (which is not an unfamiliar sentiment). And just in general, the people we thought were going to impress us tonight didn't really impress us all that much.
In "we wish we were more shocked" news, Chris Kattan was sent home, despite the fact that tonight's dance was a thousand times better and more entertaining than last week's insanity. Maybe if he had brought this week's vibe to last week, it might have been a different story for him.
Anyway, let's talk about the dances!
Nancy Kerrigan and Artem Chigvintsev: 28/40
Not quite as smooth as it should have been, but damn if it didn't look like a super fun party in the 1980s.
Erika Jayne and Gleb Savchenko: 28/40
A+ for plot. And A+ for charm, as well. Erika probably won't win this, but she's a delight.
Charo and Keo Motsepe: 25/40
Is Charo good at dancing in any way? We genuinely cannot tell, but we just like watching her exist on the dance floor.
Nick Viall and Peta Murgatroyd: 25/40
We take it Len Goodman is not a Bachelor fan? But he's right. Nick needed to calm down. He looked like he was just kind of following Peta around, and last week proved he was better than that.
Heather Morris and Maks Chmerkovskiy/Alan Bersten: 30/40
As much as we love Heather and Brittany S. Pierce (as we said last week), we agreed with Len. There was a lot of hip hop in that jive, and she spent so much time dancing alone when it's supposed to be partner work.
Bonner Bolton and Sharna Burgess: 29/40
The cowboy can do more than just cowboy dance! At least we think he can. We were too busy getting lost in Bonner and Sharna getting lost in each other's eyes to pay attention.
Simone Biles and Sasha Farber: 29/40
That dance just felt so un-Simone that it was weird, though it wasn't bad. So much pelvic thrusting on the floor...
Chris Kattan and Witney Carson: 22/40
Chris Kattan is not a good dancer, but tonight's performance was actually entertaining, as opposed to last week's cringe-inducing Night at the Roxbury tribute. And we can't say we weren't moved by Chris's intro package, in which he acknowledged that he's not the best dancer but he's dancing because he physically can now, after his horrible back and neck injury. This is what we wanted from Chris Kattan on DWTS, not whatever nonsense that was last week.
Normani Kordei and Val Chmerkovskiy: 32/40
Rashad Jennings and Emma Slater: 32/40
They could have put Rashad in a potato sack and this dance would have been incredibly sexy, but instead they chose to put him in a slightly unbuttoned shirt with his tie undone, and the effect was mesmerizing.
Mr. T and Kym Herjavec: 22/40
Mr. T's dancing talent is minimal, but there's something really fun about watching him. He clearly wants to be there and wants to do well and we're rooting for him!
David Ross and Lindsay Arnold: 27/40
We're continually going, "How is this baseball player so good?" He's just unexpected, especially when he's doing a '90s cha cha. The judges didn't love it, but we did. We also know nothing about cha chas, so do with that what you will.
What did you think? Head to the comments to sound off!
Dancing with the Stars airs Mondays at 8 p.m. on ABC.