Man, what a finale! Who would have thought that in the end, both Raven and Vanessa would dump Nick, and then he would run off with Andi Dorfman, and then Chris Harrison would propose to Corinne Olympios?!
Unfortunately, our fan fiction ending did not occur, and Nick ended up proposing to one of his final two. Despite his and his mom's strange concerns that if he proposed, his chosen lady might not say yes, Vanessa Grimaldi did, in fact, say yes.
But first, Nick and Vanessa had to pretend to be excited to get relationship and fertility advice from Santa Claus in a secluded cabin in the middle of nowhere.
Sure, Vanessa met Nick's family first, and Vanessa cried and told them all about how she's not sure about getting engaged because blah blah blah, and Nick's dad told her love was not enough for a lasting relationship and blah blah blah, but it was Santa Claus who really got the two of them to talk about their deepest fears and other such serious topics.
They rode horses through the snow, and eventually ended up at a small cabin. They knocked on the door, and when Santa came out, Vanessa did her absolute best to convince us she was super freakin' excited to hang out in a very small space with a large man dressed as Santa. The wise old fictional character asked for their wishlists and gave them a gift with their faces on it, along with the symbols for happiness and fertility.
Vanessa did a whole lot of reaching in order to connect the very existence of Santa Claus to her relationship with Nick, and then the two lovebirds sat by the fire and bared their souls in a serious conversation we completely tuned out of, as we usually do.
We really should have known that Raven was about to lose based on the fact that her final date was a simple, short, romantic bout of ice skating, and they didn't get any "advice" or gifts from any old men in costumes, or have any deep conversations about the unknown or whatever. Then, Nick brought out some puppies, and puppies just scream "consolation prize."
Basically Raven never had a chance, even though if this were our decision, we'd pick the fun-loving Raven to spend the rest of our lives with. We'd also adopt those puppies.
But alas, we are not Nick, and apparently Nick is a bigger fan of long convos about feelings, which is fine.
Raven was obviously sad but took it like a champ. She even thanked Nick for everything, which makes very little sense. Also, why did Nick let her get all dressed up (in a dress completely inappropriate for Finland weather) and ready to accept a proposal before telling her he wasn't picking her? He knows what that feels like!
Vanessa, of course, was thrilled, once the show finally got around to showing us Nick's proposal, and she said yes.
Congrats to all of us! We did it!
The Bachelorette will premiere in May on ABC.