What Friends Would Have Been Like if Phoebe Married David Instead of Mike

It's another Friends world.

Friends fans have had 10 years now to come to terms not only with the fact that the show ended, but also with how the show ended. As any person who has ever seen a television show through to the finale will tell you, a lot of emotional well-being hinges on how the writer's room decides to wrap everything up. 

We hold these stories to the highest caliber, needing for every last loose end to be dealt with and for every beloved character to be left with the most fabulous life. With Friends, most people felt satisfied—Monica and Chandler's twins were delivered safely and in time to head off to their fancy new house in the suburbs, Phoebe was happily married to Mike, Joey finally came to terms with Chandler's New York City exodus, and Rachel...well, Rachel got off the plane. Even the most hardened career advocates couldn't help but melt at the thought of the Green-Gellar family together at last.

But wait! Could it be? It seems as though there is an alternate Friends ending out there in some universe somewhere. Hank Azaria, who played Phoebe's former lover David (you know, the scientist guy who she fell madly in love with right before he was sent off to work on an experiment in Minsk, only to have him return and re-profess his love for her just as she's about to get engaged to Mike?), recently gave an interview to Huffington Post and blew the lid off our happy ending. It seems that the plan was originally Phoebe and David 4eva.

"I didn't know that was the end of David," Azaria explained about his character's first trip to Minsk. "The plan always was kind of to bring him back."

He went on to offer his personal hypothesis for why the plan so drastically changed. "I think, honestly, what happened was Paul Rudd is so awesome that they sort of found a groove with him," he said. "And [my character] became more of just the grist for that mill."

In honor of this alternate universe, we decided to take a moment to imagine what Friends would be like if David and Phoebe really had ended up together. 

1. For starters, Phoebe would presumably start visiting Russia a whole lot. We imagine David would have moved back to New York, but you can't just tie up all those positronic distillation of subatomic particles loose ends that quickly.

2. She definitely would have hopped over to Moscow to audition for the ballet.

3. Phoebe would be rich...relatively speaking. David may be a somewhat-failed scientist, but it certainly pays more than being an unemployed piano play (cough...Mike).

4. Borscht for dinner...so much borscht for dinner.

5. Phoebe would be late for everything, simply on account of waiting for David to spit out a sentence. Uhhh, ummm, I, I...

6. The world would never have been blessed with the name Princess Consuela Banana Hammock. 

7. Or Crap Bag for that matter.

8. She would probably still have her rat babies, but their fate would be a lot more debatable.

9. Double dates with Ross and Rachel would be a lot less awkward.

10. Monica would still be the undefeated ping pong champion.

11. No one would have been proposed to at a Knicks game. (And that is a blessing.)

12. Phoebe would have a pair of in-laws who don't need to be drugged in order to give the couple their approval.

13. Her kids would definitely be named Sandrine.

14. She would start spending a lot more time indoors—that Minsk sun aversion is real, David!

15. Mimosas at breakfast, because Phoebe will always be Phoebe.