Jennifer Aniston, Entertainment Weekly Cover

Entertainment Weekly

She's certainly not dumb, just avaricious—and vicious. Jennifer Aniston's brilliant peddling of her not-so-subtly veiled anger toward Angelina Jolie (and, less so, ex Brad Pitt, stupidly) worked wonders on the covers of the New York Times Magazine, nudie rag GQ, Vogue, People and Entertainment Weekly, not to mention myriad online, TV, radio and newspaper outlets.

The sound bites may have differed by an adjective or three, the pics by a bra-removal, and such, but always consistent was the same message: Jen's on an anti-Brangelina rag campaign! She is a wronged woman, hear her roar! And with subfab highlights, too! How does she do it?

Deftly, that's how. Right around the tune of $110 million, so far, for that dog movie, Marley & Me. The only thing that would have worked better would have be if she'd had an affair with the star of the movie. Or is bestiality Jen's next step into the annals of tabloid terrificness? After all, John Mayer should be great training for that one.

In any case, quit crying, Jen, it may be mucho lucrative for you, but you're better than this.