Well, they did it. And in true Speidi style, what the most important day of their lives lacked in loved ones, it apparently more than made up for in cameras.
Which, come to think of it, could be Speidi's most beloved ones of all.
While until now reports of a Heidi Montag-Spencer Pratt union were nothing more than speculation, Us Weekly has confirmed that the duo quietly—quietly in as much as they waited four days before trumpeting the news on the cover of a weekly tabloid—tied the knot in Cabos San Lucas, Mexico, last Thursday.
"The minute we said our vows, I couldn't stop crying," the 22-year-old Hills bride told the magazine.
Tears of joy, we presume.
As for the 25-year-old groom, he shared his vows with the magazine, which also has the honor of unleashing the Pratts' wedding album onto an anticipatory world this week.
"Heidi, from the moment you came into my life, I knew my life would never be the same without you," he said, before waxing even more nauseatingly poetically. "You are the light in my life like the sun to the earth! Your loving warmth makes me want to be a better person. Being with you, I feel complete.
"I'm honored to even be able to call you my wife. You are the most amazing, loving and caring woman on this planet. I will love you forever and always."
As for their clueless friends and family members, Montag said she dropped hints to her mother prior to the ceremony that something big might be happening. Her mother, unfortunately, failed to pick them up.
After speaking on the phone with Mama Montag, the reality star said "her reaction was to ask me if we were breaking up!"
Upon hinting that her relationship was likely heading in a more positive direction, her mother imparted one final word of wisdom.
"She said, 'Well, if you ever plan on getting married just know that your stepdad is really upset that you want your father to walk you down the aisle'…She was starting so much drama, it kind of pushed me toward wanting to get married without that.
"I don't know when I'll tell her."
Something tells us the conversation may no longer be necessary.
Still, not all Montag-Pratt relations are as outwardly displeased with the prospect of an instant in-law.
"I'm so happy for them," new sister-in-law and fellow Hills star Stephanie Pratt told E! News. "I haven't talked to them since last week. We've left messages. Evidently, the honeymoon is too fabulous for them to call us back.
"But I'm not surprised, because I knew none of us would be invited—which of course is sad. But it's too exciting to dwell on that! I'm gonna get them the coolest wedding gift."