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Jennifer Aniston


Dear Ted:
No comment about Jennifer Aniston's desperate attempts to get attention? Even showing up at The Ivy simply to be photographed in all her tank-top splendor? You crucify Angelina if she crosses the street. You are really showing your bias rather than any journalistic integrity. It seems to be as many on web blogs have said. You have a personal vendetta against Angelina Jolie for squeezing the butt that you so wish you had a chance with—Brad Pitt.

Dear So Gay:
Oh, please, I hear that one anytime somebody doesn't like something I say about a good-looking straight guy. It's just so easy, I'm sure you're better than that, E. I razz on A.J. because she's the best saleswoman in Hollywood, and people just don't see it. Besides, Mr. P. likes the chicks, or at least the ones who gave me the deets on Brad when they slept with him. And I'm not looking, anyway.

Dear Ted:
I'm not down with your analysis of why Prop 8 passed. As a queer woman of color, I'm uncomfortable with your blaming of minority voters. Statistics suggest that it passed largely due to the over-65 contingent and that race is not an appropriate category to think about. See Nate Silver on FiveThirtyEight.com for more. Also, I feel like that reinforces the invisibility of queers of color by implying that all minorities are homophobic or that all queers are white. There is hope for repealing Prop 8—the youth, but stop the hate, please.

Dear Spread the Love:
Big distinction between expressing disappointment and placing blame. There are many factors that caused Prop 8 to pass, only one being that the black community overwhelmingly supported it.

Dear Ted:
I was just at JustJared's gossip blog going through the thread about Aniston's interview, and I was sick to my stomach from all the Brangelina loonies attacking her. She was cheated, she was dumped, and yet it's Saint Angie that deserves the praise? Please, when will this madness end?
—Sick of Brangelina

Dear Brange or Bust:
It's like a cult; there are so many brainwashed freaks over these two it's ridic. Unfortunately, it won't end until their whole facade does. Brangelina's, that is.

Dear Ted:
Horror of horrors! In Touch has a story about Orlando Bloom marrying that Dingo Miranda Kerr next year. I know you tell the real deal. Is this true or should we all breathe a sign of relief? I'm counting on you, Theodore, to get to the bottom of this.

Dear Blossomed:
Being the hot-'n'-bothered expert I am, I don't see real heat here. But heaven knows that still doesn't rule out an H'wood wedding.

Dear Ted:
Hasn't anyone noticed that Lindsay Lohan has become superskinny again? I was digging that she was looking seminormal for awhile there, and now she's gone and done it again. My theory she is trying to cut down on expenses and wants to share clothes with Samantha. What do you think?

Dear Fade Away:
Call me an L.A. cynic, but rapid weight loss tends to usually mean one thing. And it has very little to do with food.

Dear Ted:
I've been reading your column for years, but I'm afraid I just can't do it anymore. It used to be fun, but I regularly feel insulted when I visit your site. I'm LDS and live in Utah and am very bothered by the hurtful things you say about something that is deeply important to me and my family. I'm sorry you're upset, understandably upset, about Prop 8 passing, but you don't need to be hateful. I don't care if you're gay and I hope you and your husband will be happy. Me having different views from you doesn't make me intolerant or a bigot. It just means we're different.
Kirsten, Utah

Dear Bye-Bye Babe:
It's hard to live however I want when laws tell me otherwise. Hate to see you go over it, hon.

Dear Ted:
I think Hilary Swank is Shafterella Shoshstein from One Sneaky Dame Blind Vice. Chad Lowe totally took the tabloid fall for that one. Is it the Swankster, or am I at least in the ballpark?

Dear Swing and a Miss:
You're in the ballpark regarding talent.

Dear Ted:
Is Oded Good-Head from One Unmanageable Blind Vice Joe Jonas? He's been in two movies and has gone through a lot of girls in the last couple of years. 

Dear Jonas Bangers:
Same goes for Joe as it did for Nick—too young. And I better not see his face around these Vice parts for a while.

Dear Ted: 
Been reading stories on how Jennifer Aniston might be pregnant with John Mayer's baby and how she is so desperate for a baby that she's frozen her eggs. My question is: Why did she wait so long to want to have a baby with Brad Pitt?

Dear Fish Food:
Timing is everything; there are oodles of reasons she and Bradley didn't work out. As for Mayer, I don't think there will be any J&J tots anytime soon.

Dear Ted:
Love your blolumn—read it every day if I can! I just want to say how sorry I am about the whole Prop 8 thing—I'm a Southern Baptist girl born and raised in the dirty South and it breaks my heart that all Americans can't have the same rights.
M., New Orleans

Dear Changing of the Sword:
We will.

Dear Ted:
Actually, the day will come when gay people realize that they have no more claim to marriage than polygamists or man-boy lovers. All three are repulsive to most Americans (outside of Hollywood). Gay people have all of the legal protections of marriage through their civil unions. But marriage has always been and will always be between women and men. Who cares what George Clooney thinks, anyway? Why don't you shake down Phyllis Diller too and see what she thinks?

Dear No Heart:
Firstly, it's called a domestic partnership; secondly, I feel sorry for people who are so naïve about what they're afraid of.

Dear Ted: 
Due to the increasingly fickle nature of fans and pop culture, what do you think is the average shelf life of current Hollywood stars before they become irritating and annoying? A few years ago I enjoyed Reese Witherspoon in movies and now I can't stand her. Same goes for Jake Gyllenhaal and Will Ferrell. Do new up-and-coming movie stars even have a chance?


Dear Worse With Age:
Who they screw often determines everything. I mean, if Will doesn't cheat on his wife soon with one of the Girls Next Door, he's a goner, fer sure.

Dear Ted:
Getting used to your new style page. Jeremy Piven is Oded Goodhead. Yes?

Dear Say It Ain't Ari:
Fab guess. Oded is just as hyper (i.e., fake)-masculine, but not the Pivenator, sorry.

Dear Ted:
I've left comments on your board but I just wanted to reiterate what so many have said. I am ashamed of California for passing Prop 8 and I couldn't agree more with what Clooney said about it. Being gay is not a choice. I don't know any straight people who think that they could "choose" to switch teams.

Dear Team No:
Because they see folks like Anne Heche and Angelina Jolie do it all the time.

Dear Ted:
So what do you think the odds are of Sarah Palin being on next season's Dancing With the Stars? Or is that being too snarky?

Dear Do the Palin:
No such thing as too snarky here. But she needs to fall off the radar for a bit before she joins Dancing With the Fallen Stars. See, Sarah's still falling.