File this one under...wait. We don't have a file for this story. We literally have no file or label for this. There is nowhere to put this story! It's the first of its kind. We have to create a new file in order to actually file it. And that file shall be called: "Salted Pork Products Tears Family Apart."
A man in the U.K. called 999 (the British version of 911) to report what in his mind was a true emergency.
"Me girlfriend has let the cat eat my bacon!" he announces over the phone, ready to be told that officials from the West Yorkshire Police Department would be there immediately to assist. Except the response he gets is pretty much how you all reacted upon reading our headline. WHAT?!
"Sorry?" the operator says, prompting him to explain himself. Perhaps she misheard. There is no way someone would call the police just because a pet ate their food, right?
Yep. That's exactly what he's doing.
"Me girlfriend let the cat eat me bacon," he repeats, slower and seemingly annoyed that the operator doesn't grasp the severity of the situation.
"Right, OK. What would you like the police to do in regard to that sir?" she asks. Big props to her for not immediately hanging up the phone and/or bursting out laughing.
His next couple of sentences are mostly gibberish (he sounds pretty inebriated), but he finally claims he wants to press charges.
On the girlfriend or the cat?
"Both," he answers. And then came the one response that probably no other 911 operator in the world has ever said:
"Sir, it's not a criminal offense to let your cat eat your bacon. And we don't arrest cats."
Now, we love bacon about as much as we love air, and we aren't against fighting another living creature to defend our bacon. (Come at us, bros). But this situation is next level bananas. Not only is this definitely not an emergency in any form, but the caller took up the time of an operator who could be helping people with actual emergencies.
Eventually, she convinces the man that owning a bacon-stealing cat is not an emergency, and he hangs up the phone.
And that ends the story about how a sneaky cat got away with eating the most delicious human food in existence.