Don't worry, we'll wait.
We know you're very busy with your epic round of slow claps after viewing the ending of Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No, in which—spoilers, ahoy!—Tara Reid's character April accompanied her husband, Fin (Ian Ziering) into outer space to attempt to eradicate all sharknados, was then swallowed by a shark in space, delivered her own baby inside said shark while falling to earth before escaping with the help of her chainsaw hand, and then was possibly crushed/sliced in half by a falling piece of space shuttle.
We know it's going to be a while before you're free and calm (and sober, if you played our drinking game) enough to read any sort of review of the greatest thing that has ever aired on TV, so it's fine. You can come back to this later. Your health and safety are our main concern, so we'll wait as long as we have to.
OK, so was that not the greatest thing you've ever seen in your whole damn life?
If it somehow wasn't, we'd like to direct you back up to the second paragraph of this very article, in which we describe the events that occurred in the final few minutes of the movie. Let us reiterate: Tara Reid traveled into space, was swallowed by a shark, delivered her own baby inside the shark, then fell back to earth, then escaped the shark with her chainsaw hand, and then possibly died.
Now, the key word there is possibly. As it was revealed there during the end credits, April's fate is entirely up to us, and will be revealed...in Sharknado 4.
That's right. It's not over yet, even though it seemed like David Hasselhoff made pretty good use of those lasers to get rid of all the sharks there at the end. On the other hand, we actually didn't understand a word of what that laser beam was actually doing to the sharks, so never mind. There are probably still plenty of sharks to populate those tornados for at least one more movie.
Of course, April's journey was not the only magnificent revelation from Sharknado 3. In fact, the movie was filled with moments that we were trying to already deem the number one moment, until we actually finished it, such as:
—That time Fin revealed that he can now sense the sharknados, like some kind of sharknado whisperer.
—Frankie Muniz's heroic death in which all of his limbs were eaten off by sharks, but he still managed to set off a bomb, exploding both him and some sharks.
—That one shark's happy little ride down the water slide, only to find that no one wanted to swim with him once he got to the bottom.
—That time Claudia's new friend finally kissed her, and then was promptly eaten by a shark.
—That glorious moment in which George R.R. Martin was beheaded by a shark.
—That second when we realized the plan to get rid of the sharknados involved non-astronauts Ian Ziering and David Hasselhoff taking a space shuttle into outer space to...do...something.
—That moment when all the Today Show anchors held hands and braced themselves for the shark-pocalypse, right before four sharks descended upon them from the ceiling.
—That Google search we did when the pregnant April flew into space on that space shuttle. As it turns out, most people are not entirely sure if going into space while pregnant is actually bad for you, but they certainly don't recommend it.
—When David Hasselhoff sacrificed himself in outer space for the good of the entire eastern seaboard.
—Two (compound) words: Lightsaber. Chainsaw.
So, literally every NBC news anchor may be dead and most recognizable monuments on the Eastern coast of the U.S. may have been demolished, but at least it seemed like The Wizarding World of Harry Potter was still in tact by the end of the movie. Who would pass up the opportunity to show Hogwarts castle being destroyed by sharks if that was a thing that happened? No one, that's who. Thus we have deduced that Hogwarts is fine and so are all the wizards, and we can rest easy tonight.
Of course, we could rest much easier if it weren't for those last few minutes of pure insanity and Tara Reid's potential death, but we'll take what we can get until Sharknado 4 premieres and changes our lives for the better.
Head to the comments to weigh in on your favorite part of the movie, and don't forget to drink a lot of water if you participated in our drinking game!
(E! and Syfy are both members of the NBCUniversal family.)