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Olivia Jordan, Miss USA

AP Photo/Derick E. Hingle

Last night the Miss USA pageant aired. But you probably forgot because you were busy watching True Detective or memorizing the state capitols or discovering the lost art of friendship bracelets. Really anything that wasn't the Miss USA pageant, because it really did not matter at all. 

Even Donald Trump, who caused all the controversy in the first place and is the reason that all the show's hosts (and even its original network) abandoned the competition, didn't bother to show up. Apparently the "politician" was "campaigning" or something. Ain't that a surprise!

What did happen during the evening, for those of you waiting on pins and needles, is that a bunch of women strutted their stuff onstage and then Olivia Jordan of Oklahoma was crowned the winner. You may recognize her from her critically acclaimed part as a bridesmaid in Hot Tub Time Machine 2. Jordan was rewarded with the top prize for her hard work modeling a hot pink ball gown and answering "Harriet Tubman" as her choice for the new female $10 bill.

She wasn't the only one who impressed the fans fan, though! Miss Nevada was asked how she would fix race relations and answered with the following: "What I would do to improve race relations in the US is get more races grouped together and be able to be with each other in a...in a non...I think what we need to do is bring...(nervous laughter) we need to be more accepting of each other and we need to bring people together, that's what I think we need to do." Move over, Martin Luther King!

What did not happen during the show was...literally everything else. Seriously, nothing happened. There were no famous people to be seen (unless you count A-list actress Olivia Jordan), as they all (wisely) fled for the hills as soon as Trump's incendiary statements dropped. And according to the country's (non) reactions to the "big" event, the sentiment was felt pretty much everywhere. There were a few folks here and there who tuned in to the competition with renewed vigor, but that was probably in the same way that you can't change the channel during a car chase scene. 

So there you have it. You can all rest easy knowing that you spent last night learning how to do a fishtail braid and knitting booties for your future nieces and nephews instead of watching Miss USA. Check, mate.