Talk about a dating nightmare!
If anyone out there is still under the false impression that great guys do exist and that first dates aren't actually horrifying, look away now. Because this will straight up kill your spirit.
Twitter user Anne Thériault was innocently minding her own business at a Toronto coffee shop when she found herself as a witness to one of the worst romantic run-ins in history. But instead of just putting her headphones in or crawling under her table to escape the awkwardness, she decided to give the world a gift and live-tweet the action for all to read.
Those of you who are still on the market, take this poor woman's experience as a cautionary tale; and those of you who are taken, thank your lucky stars you'll never wind up on a date with this guy.
Things started off innocently enough, as far as douchebags go—he was your typical self-involved aspiring writer, meeting a girl who clearly wasn't expecting a self-involved aspiring writer. But then as soon as a James Franco comparison came up, Anne knew the date was doomed forever.
"I'm writing a screenplay. It's about this guy who never really feels like he fits in. Like he's just different"
? Anne Thériault (@anne_theriault) July 3, 2015"People tell me I look like James Franco."
? Anne Thériault (@anne_theriault) July 3, 2015She keeps politely asking him questions. Not once has he asked her about herself.
Wait he just asked if she'd ever dated a writer wtf
? Anne Thériault (@anne_theriault) July 3, 2015Things only got worse from there, delving into every single hipster stereotype that's ever existed.
"Writing is really hard. People don't know that. It involves a lot of introspection, a lot of wrestling with your own demons."
? Anne Thériault (@anne_theriault) July 3, 2015He's now complaining about the "body" of the coffee, telling her he knows a place that doesn't over-roast their beans.
? Anne Thériault (@anne_theriault) July 3, 2015Every single thing she mentions he "did that one time, with my buddy" and is now an expert in
? Anne Thériault (@anne_theriault) July 3, 2015Girl: I actually love cooking
Dude: Oh god you should try my puttanesca sauce, my friend who's a chef says it's even better than his
? Anne Thériault (@anne_theriault) July 3, 2015"A lot of my friends are having kids but I don't know," *self-conscious laugh* "I can barely take care of myself let alone a baby."
? Anne Thériault (@anne_theriault) July 3, 2015OH NO NOW HE'S TALKING ABOUT HOW HIS FEAR OF HAVING CHILDREN STEMS FROM HIS DADDY ISSUES AND I CANNOT
? Anne Thériault (@anne_theriault) July 3, 2015Luckily, the woman had a backup plan. (Ladies, take note).
Girl just looked at her phone in feigned surprise. "Oh weird, I have a text from my mom." I just snorted audibly, turned it into fake cough
? Anne Thériault (@anne_theriault) July 3, 2015Dude, oblivious: "oh yeah? That's awesome, I don't think my mom even knows how to text"
? Anne Thériault (@anne_theriault) July 3, 2015Girl: "yeah, she's, uh, worried she left her stove on. she's in a meeting and can't go home. I'd better go check for her."
? Anne Thériault (@anne_theriault) July 3, 2015Dude: do you want to go and come back?
Girl: It's pretty far. Maybe we can do this again next week? I'll text you.
OUT THE DOOR LIKE A SHOT
? Anne Thériault (@anne_theriault) July 3, 2015He just opened his laptop and started typing. I hope it's a sad story about his life.
? Anne Thériault (@anne_theriault) July 3, 2015It seems she escaped relatively unscathed, but our thoughts are prayers are with her during these hard times. May no woman be forced to go through a date as bad as this again.