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True Detective


Is it just us, or did tonight's episode finally start making some sense, sort of?

First of all, last week's cliffhanger was a total fakeout. Turns out, Colin Farrell, or Ray Velcoro or whatever, was shot point-blank with a shotgun full of buckshot. That means that other than a few broken ribs and the fact that he peed himself and then traveled to a strange musical purgatory, he was totally fine and not at all dead.

We guess that's good news, if you're a fan of Colin Farrell. It's bad news, however, if you hate being faked out by fake deaths, which we kinda do. That would have been such a good twist, and now we're disappointed.

Anyway, since he was not dead, Ray was able to relay to Ani (Rachel McAdams) that a hooker had been the one to lead him to Casper's sex house, even though the hooker actually told Vince Vaughn about the sex house.

This sent the gang on a wild goose chase for an elusive prostitute, which mostly meant a lot of Paul (Taylor Kitsch) and Ani wandering around, shouting "Hooker? Hookers?" willy nilly. Where can we find some hookers? Do the hookers hang out here? Do you know any hookers? I see you have some girls here; would any of them happen to be…hookers?!

The best response to one of their inquiries came from a guy on the film set they visited.

"To tell you the truth, I drink, so it makes my recollection unreliable."

Fair enough.

True Detective


Meanwhile, Vince Vaughn had one hell of an episode. First of all, Frank's having problems getting it up in order to have a baby, despite his wife's attempts at blowjobs. Do we sense a bonding sesh coming up between Frank and Taylor Kitsch? We sort of hope so, because everybody sure has a lot of issues and seemingly no one to talk to about them.

He also beat a guy up. He may have killed him, but it's unclear to us due to the fact that as soon as Frank pulled out some pliers after beating the guy's face to a bloody pulp, we had to close our eyes and sing a little song.

In other news, Paul is possibly gay. If that was actually what he and his friend were alluding to, he's pretty angry about it. Honestly can someone on this show give him a hug? Seems like he might need one. He also might be hallucinating giant birds, just like everyone else in this universe.

The night ended with Ani and Ray having their car blown up by some perpetrator in a mask that was disappointingly not bird-related, as far as we could tell. They tried to chase after him, but they nearly got run over by a big rig in the process.

Our favorite thing about tonight's outing, however, was that it established what might be the battle to determine who is the truest detective of them all.

The mayor of Vinci was incredibly unhappy when Ani and Paul showed up at his Bel Air house in their search for hookers, and he demanded that Ray get rid of Ani once and for all. There was a lot of the dreadful C-word thrown around, along with wishes to get her badge revoked.

At the same time, Ani's bosses were demanding that she catch Ray in his corruption, and that there's probably a promotion in it for her.

Who will emerge victorious?! Will Paul come up from behind and take home the 2015 crown?!

Tune in next week to find out!

(Sorry. So very sorry.)