Amy Schumer is pulling out all the stops for Inside Amy Schumer's third season.
Tuesday's premiere episode, titled "Last F--kable Day," featured guest appearances from Jemima Kirke, Method Man, Amber Rose and Amber Tamblyn in "Milk Milk Lemonade", plus Josh Charles in "Football Town Nights." The highlight, however, came when Patricia Arquette, Tina Fey and Julia Louis-Dreyfus helped Schumer raise awareness about sexism in the titular sketch.
The scene opened with Schumer going for a hike and stumbling upon the trio dining in a meadow. "Hi, are you lost?" Fey asked Schumer, who called the three actresses her "heroes." Dreyfus then told the comic, "You look familiar. Are you that girl from the television who talks about her p---y all the time?"
Schumer smiled and said, "Yes! Thank you!"
The Comedy Central star joined the women at their table and immediately noticed the decadent spread. "Is it someone's birthday?" she asked. The actresses laughed, and Arquette told her, "It's the opposite. We're celebrating Julia's last f--kable day." Confused, Schumer asked for an explanation. Louis-Dreyfus broke it down for her, saying, "In every actress' life, the media decides when you finally reach the point when you're not believably f--kable anymore." Fey said "nobody really overtly tells you" when that moment happens, "but there are signs." For example, she told Schumer, "You know how Sally Field was Tom Hanks' love interest in Punchline and then 20 minutes later she was his mom in Forrest Gump?"
Arquette then revealed, "I just had an audition for Mrs. Claus."
"You're kidding me!" Louis-Drefyus said. "I read for that part."
"I read for that, too!" Fey added, revealing that Jennifer Lopez won the role.
"She'll be good," Louis-Drefyus said.
Another sign that an actress is no longer "f--kable," the Veep star said, is when her wardrobe consists of "mostly long sweaters" that cover her up from "head to toe." Fey added that when movie posters use a "picture of a kitchen" in lieu of an actress' face, she is no longer "f--kable." Louis-Dreyfus agreed, adding that the movies typically have "very vague yet uplifting titles like Whatever It Takes or She Means Well." Arquette pointed out yet another sign, telling the trio, "They're remaking Boyhood with Selena Gomez."
Needless to say, Schumer was confused.
"I don't understand," she said. "You're all so f--kable."
Louis-Dreyfus laughed at the notion.
"No one was more surprised than me that they let me stay f--kable throughout my forties, and the fact that it continued into my fifties, it was just like, 'Thanks, but...' I thought that Us Weekly had made some kind of clerical error or something."
Schumer asked if there's anything she can do to delay it. Louis-Dreyfus replied, "You could try, but it only makes it worse. Like those Real Housewives! They try to look young, but then they end up looking like a purse that melted in a car accident." Fey added, "They look like when a kid draws a face on its hand."
"Who tells men when it's their 'last f--kable day?'" Schumer asked.
The actresses laughed, then Arquette told her, "Honey, men don't have that day."
"Wait, are you guys, like, bummed at all?" Schumer asked.
"What? No! Are you kidding me? I'm thrilled! Ecstatic! I mean, I don't have to deal with maintaining this anymore," Louis-Dreyfus said, pointing to her body. "I mean, it's a Godsend. I could grow my pubes out."
The possibilities were endless. "Look at this—see this ice cream? It's been sitting out here for an hour? You want to know why? Watch this, baby!" she said as other women encouraged her to chug the carton.
The Seinfeld star then burped and farted freely.
The sketch ended with "the ritual," but we won't spoil the ending for you.
After the episode aired, director Nicole Holofcener explained its relevance. "This sketch is funny, but it's funny because it's so tragically true," she told Entertainment Weekly. "The fact that Amy can be so challenging and political while being shamelessly hilarious is her true genius. It's not stupid humor; it's humor that really shows us who we are and how insanely screwed up our culture is."
How did Schumer feel about working with Arquette, Fey and Louis-Dreyfus? "I got to listen and worship them," she said. "We made each other laugh all day long."
Inside Amy Schumer airs Tuesdays at 10:30 p.m. on Comedy Central.