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It's about darn time for the Royal Baby Drinking Game, y'all! Let's party.
Now we know what you're thinking: Is the birth of a royal baby really an appropriate time to drink? To that we say yes. For starters, it's always an appropriate time for a cocktail. In this particular instance, bringing a new human into the world is totally stressful—no one will be more deserving of a stiff one than Kate Middleton, but since she can't imbibe for health reasons, we're going to step up to the plate and imbibe for her.
Plus the world has been waiting so long for this whole baby-number-two thing to go down that we all deserve a drink.
The way this drinking game works is simple: Simply drink every time we tell you to. Duh. Your beverage of choice is up to you, but we suggest a cheeky Pimm's or an ice-cold cider in keeping with the Brits. As soon as we break the news that Kate is off to the hospital it's time to keep your eyes peeled for any developments that warrant a drink. (We're giving this to you early so you can familiarize yourself with the rules. Or for "practice." Whatever.)
Since there's a major time difference across the pond chances are high that you'll have to keep playing even when you head to work, but that's how we weed out the casual drinking game contestants from the real winners.
May the odds be ever in your favor.
Take a drink if any of the following happens:
1. Kate goes into labor in the middle of the night.
2. The birth is announced on the palace's social media first.
3. It's a girl.
4. It's a boy (trick question!).
5. The baby is born on May Day or Cinco de Mayo (lucky!).
6. Will and Kate break tradition and name the baby after a Middleton (gasp!).
7. The baby has less than four official names.
8. There are fireworks in London on the night of the birth.
9. Kate's parents are the first official visitors.
10. Prince George comes to the hospital for an early meet-and-greet.
11. Lupo comes to the hospital for an early meet-and-greet.
12. Kate wears pastels for the unveiling of the new baby on the hospital steps.
13. The new baby cries during the big reveal.
14. Will folds under the pressure of the watchful crowd and forgets how to use the car seat.
15. Kim Kardashian attempts to set up North West and the royal baby on a play date.