Sarah Thomas, NFL Official

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The NFL is reportedly about to hire their first permanent female official, Sarah Thomas, according to The Baltimore Sun. Thomas, who's been doing this since 1996, has been officiating during NFL preseason games as a line judge while in the league's training program. She's apparently been in the NFL pipeline since 2013. It's important you all know that the NFL has been looking at her for more than two years; you'll understand when you see some of the jokes coming up.

She has stated she never set out to break down barriers and become the first female ref; she just does the job because she loves it.

Hold up, missy. You do know that you, a woman, will be trying to work in the NFL, a game of men?!

Well, if you don't know that, let these people come at you with some cutting-edge, brand-new, totoally fresh sexist jokes.

Sorry, we meant tired, predictable and lame sexist jokes.

These are actual comments from actual humans—or "humans," if you will, pulled from Twitter and from comments underneath an article on ESPN.

Get it, guys? Because blow jobs.

"Does she get 1 game off a month for personal reasons or nah?"

Well, periods attract bears so it's only common sense that she stay home until her cycle is over. We don't want giant bears rushing the field and mauling Andrew Luck. Also, sorry about your girlfriend if you have one, bro. We assume you make the same kind of "time of the month" jokes to her and your comedic styling from the '90s probably gets old very quickly.

Yeah, no other females understand and enjoy football. We only understand what we can see from the kitchen while we're barefoot, pregnant and making sandwiches.

Correct. It definitely wasn't Ray Rice knocking his wife out in an elevator or Michael Vick torturing dogs. 

"Great. So when the biggest baddest athletes on the planet get into a scuffle she'll be able too to pry them away?"

Yeah, you better leave it to the old, skinny guys who top out at 170 pounds.

She'll probably throw tampons at them instead of flags, LOLZ.

"She can thank Ray Rice."

Well, most women do thank Ray Rice at some point in our day. It's an unspoken rule to having female parts.

This is actually pretty funny, but you have to check your typos, sir. 

Yes, the NFL has had an impeccable record thus far.

We didn't know all the current refs had side jobs as NFL players! That's what your logic is, yes? Only people who play the sport can ref it? If you mean football in general, ladies do that, too. So yes, you are just being sexist.

"Just keep her as the sideline ref. Do NOT put her smack in the middle of the action EVER."

Better yet, stick that chick back in time when she couldn't vote, own land or make any of the household decisions!

Damn women and the way we always put in our tampons in public instead of doing other stuff! We are known to actually stop important business meetings so we can put our tampons in right there of our Powerpoint presentation. It's our thing.

Seriously, she's had this job for literally seconds and she sucks at it! And this is coming from a guy who obviously has seen all her officiating footage and has all the information regarding the situation to make this judgment call. Except the opposite of that. 

Read: "I'm all for gender equality unless someone of the opposite gender wants equal treatment!"

"You just know she's gonna walk in front of the camera at a crucial moment."

Yeah, females just love to…walk in front of cameras? Wait, what's the logic behind this?

We are not making these up. There were SO MANY period jokes. 

Damn, guys. If you're going to be sexist, at least tell jokes that are amusing. This is some tired ass s--t that men bring to amateur night at a comedy club called Chuckles Palace in Quincy, Ill because they are trying to chase their dreams of becoming a stand-up comic.

We're all for making jokes about current events, but c'mon! We need to have higher standards.


Also to be fair, there were plenty of men and women who were congratulating the NFL for this hire and who are actually excited to see this historic moment in sports.

As for the rest of you, why don't you wait to see how she officiates before immediately dismissing her? We know it might be beyond your comprehension, but Thomas might totally kick ass. And if she doesn't, well, then the glorious days of yelling at refs from your living room can continue.

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