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Tori Spelling, True Tori


Have you ever fought with a loved one over a baked potato? How about a cucumber? Have you ever complained to your cameraman about men with cameras? If you answered yes to any of those questions, then True Tori might be the show for you.

Here are some things that happened on tonight's episode:

– "I was feeling really bad about my potato-making skills."

A faulty baked potato literally started a major marital argument when Dean thought Tori had microwaved a potato incorrectly, and Tori went from feeling bad about a potato to feeling bad about herself as a self-sufficient person because of how Dean talks to her. Sure, sometimes we shed a tear or two when the butter gets too melted for the cookie dough we have no plans to bake, but it has never caused stress in the marriage we are not currently in. We may be alone, but this show makes us want to be.  

– "What's keeping you in this marriage?"

A producer asked Tori this question, and Tori cried and said that when there are children involved, you begin to look at a relationship differently. So instead of getting divorced, you got a reality show? That's much better for the kids.

– "Oh, give us a break."

Tori took her daughter to cheer class and became exasperated by guys with cameras. How dare they take pictures of her, her daughter, and her own guys with cameras! 

– "Can you and Daddy take turns taking me to cheer?"  

This kid obviously knows something's up. Or someone fed her this line to make it sound like she knows something's up.

– "I'm miserable and I'm unhappy…"

Dean talked about how sad he is while, yet again, a lizard sat upon him. It sucks that Dean is in a bad place right now, but it sure is hard to take a man seriously when, in every shot, there's a reptile using him as a lounge chair.

– "I think in general, I have an issue with wanting people to like me."

Tori was very concerned that her ex-husband, Charlie, who she hasn't seen since she left him for Dean, might not be very fond of her.  

  – "I have hot pink lips. That's gonna annoy me the whole time. I thought they were berry-colored."

This was one of Tori's chief concerns as she was on her way to meet Charlie. It is one of our chief concerns every moment of our lives. Hot pink? The horror.

–  "Charlie refused to meet Tori on camera."

Charlie might be a very smart man. He also asked to meet at a church, which is exactly the appropriately cruel place we would pick if we had meet our ex-wife to discuss how she left us and then didn't speak to us again for eight years.

– "Oh no, there's paparazzi!"  

She didn't want them to see her crying, she told the camera man in the backseat of her car.

When Tori got back, she didn't really want to talk to Dean (or the cameras) about her talk with Charlie. It sort of reminded us of those dramatically vague Facebook statuses that no one ever wants to talk about, and it was just as infuriating.