1. If you love someone, stalk them until they love you back.
2. If that doesn't work, kidnap them into loving submission.
3. Every successful woman needs a man (she just doesn't know it yet).
4. Eventually the bad boy will change his ways and be the perfect boyfriend.
5. And that emotionally distant guy who's avoiding relationships? He just hasn't met YOU yet!
6. Klutziness is adorable.
7. Interrupting a wedding is always a good idea that results in happiness for everyone.
8. Similarly, stopping someone from getting on a place always works. These are called grand gestures. Everyone loves a grand gesture and you'll never get in trouble for one. Police love grand gestures.
9. Stuck in a rut? All you need is a Manic Pixie Dream Girl to solve all your problems.
10. Neurotic best friends give the best advice.
11. If you don't have that, make sure you have a friend who's a little fatter and a little lonelier to make you feel better.
12. Your best friend is secretly in love with (and you're probably secretly in love back).
13. At the very least, it's impossible to have a platonic friendship.
14. Because as soon as someone else thinks your best friend is super hot, you'll suddenly see it.
15. Done something wrong? A spontaneous (and very long) monologue can fix anything!
16. The only job for a young woman looking for love is a journalist or a bakery owner.
17. You can only find love in NYC. Or LA. Or some very quaint, too-adorable-to-be-true town in the Deep South. If you're not in one of those cities, you're going to die alone.
18. The only thing your family cares about is you falling in love. That's all that matters.
19. If your in-laws hate you, hate them back. Eventually, you'll all learn to love each other. Somehow.
20. Every elevator ride is another chance for a meet-cute.
21. Stranger Danger isn't real. Any stranger might be your true love.
22. Hate a co-worker? That's who you'll end up with!
23. Is someone your complete opposite? That's who you'll end up with!
24. Is someone pretending to be your significant other? That's who you'll end up with!
25. A relationship built entirely on lies is not doomed. You can always work it out.
26. And never forget, glasses = ugly. Take your glasses off and you'll be BEAUTIFUL.