Hopefully Ashton Kutcher tuned in to Jimmy Kimmel Live! Tuesday.
The 36-year-old actor and first-time father-to-be's fiancée Mila Kunis appeared on the ABC talk show to promote her new movie, Third Person. While there, the expectant 30-year-old actress went on a scripted rant about future fathers who use the word "we" to describe their baby mama's pregnancies.
"My wife and I are pregnant," Jimmy Kimmel said. "We are having a baby very soon as well." Kunis narrowed her eyes and replied, "Oh, you both are having a baby? You and your wife are pregnant?"
Kunis then removed her microphone and pretended to storm off before grabbing a hand-held mic.
"Hello, I'm Mila Kunis, with a very special message for all you soon-to-be fathers," the star of Disney's Oz the Great and Powerful said. "Stop saying, 'We're pregnant.' You're not pregnant! Do you have to squeeze a watermelon-sized person out of your lady-hole? No. Are you crying alone in your car listening to a stupid Bette Midler song? No. When you wake up and throw up, is it because you're nurturing a human life? No. It's because you had too many shots of tequila. Do you know how many shots of tequila we had? None. Because we can't have shots of tequila. We can't have anything because we've got your little love goblin growing inside of us. All you did was roll over and fall asleep."
"You're not pregnant," she said as a group of moms-to-be appeared beside her on stage. "We are."
Kunis then took a carton of ice cream back to her seat and reattached her microphone.
"Any questions?" she asked.
"Can I have some ice cream?" Kimmel quipped.