Chris McKay/Getty ImagesDonald Glover explained his exit from NBC's Community after five seasons in a series of handwritten notes he shared via Instagram on Tuesday, Oct. 15. Using Marriott Residence Inn stationery, the 30-year-old got candid about his biggest insecurities and his uncertain future.
"I'm afraid of the future. I'm afraid my parents won't live long enough to see my kids. I'm afraid my show will fail," Glover confessed. "I'm scared my girl will get pregnant at not the exact time we want. I'm scared I'll never reach my potential. I'm afraid she's still in love with that dude."
He continued, "I feel like I'm letting everyone down. I'm afraid people hate who I really am. I'm scared people will find out what I masturbate to. I'm afraid I'm here for nothing. I feel that this will feel pretentious. I'm scared I'll never grow out of bro rape. I'm afraid people think I hate my race. I'm afraid people think I hate women. I hate people can say anything. I hate caring what people think. I'm afraid there's something better for you or me."
"I'm afraid this is all an accident," Glover wrote. "I'm scared I'll be Tyrese. I'm afraid [Community creator] Dan Harmon hates me. I'm scared I won't know anything ever again. I'm scared I never knew anything. I'm afraid I'll regret this. I'm afraid it doesn't matter at all."
Glover, who also raps under the name Childish Gambino, added, "I didn't leave Community to rap. I don't wanna rap. I wanted to be on my own. I've been sick this year. I've seen a bunch of people die this year. This is the first time I've felt helpless. But I'm not on that. Kept looking for something to be in with. Follow someone's blueprint. But you have to be on your own."
The actor's word flow didn't end there. "The label didn't want me to release in December cause it's not a holiday record and I'm not a big artist," Glover said. "I started the record last Christmas. Christmas always made me feel lonely, but it helped me restart the New Year. I want people to [buy] this album when everything's closed. When everything slows down and quiet. So you can start over."
In his final note, the former 30 Rock writer told fans, "I got really lost last year. But I can't be lonely tho. Cause we're all here. We're all stuck here. I wanted to make something that says, no matter how bad you f—k up, or mistakes you've made during the year, your life, your eternity, you're always allowed to be better. You're always allowed to grow up. If you want."
Indeed you are, Mr. Glover.