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There's been so much news this week affecting future Soup material...Audrina Patridge's show Audrina won't be back for another season. But Chaz Bono will be on Dancing With the Stars. So there is a God. Now, let's review the bounty of five days of Soup.

1. Justin Bieber: Everybody knows the Biebs is a boss teen vocalist, but who knew he was so adept at making penis euphemisms? And is PETA aware of all this?

One down, four more to go...

2. Bachelor Pad: In the pad of bachelors, heartbroken Mike discovers that love isn't worth the reality show script it's printed on when on-again off-again GF Holly spends the night with, yes, another bachelor. Let the sobbing begin.

3. Big Sexy: Tiffany is a proud, thick hottie. So proud, in fact, that she decides to celebrate her size by getting herself vajazzeled. Which is a bit of a let down when you're too big and sexy to actually see your vajayjay.

4. Livin' for the Apocalypse: There are those among us who believe civilization as we know it will soon come to an end. Transgender Jackie and her pal Gidget are just such folks, and they're making sure they're ready to deal with anything. Including the dead who will rise to consume the living.

5. Paranormal Challenge: The paranormal isn't the only thing being challenged on this show. An even more frightening test is whether or not your pants are haunted.