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You, the informed Soup blog viewer, know that vacations don't really attack. Animals, psychopaths, hocky players, hearts, they all attack, but vacations? 

Well, prepare to have your mind altered as the Travel Channel brings you a show where "in a split second your journey of a lifetime turns into a travel nightmare." Well, not yours exactly, but you get it. No? Then let's take a look at a mountain biking getaway. That turns into a travel nightmare!

Actually, there are a couple things you could say: "Smooth move, ex-lax," or "I want you to know something in the moments before you die. I'll be going back home and having sex with your hot wife until she can't remember your name. Hello? You still hanging in there?"