Dear Hold Your Vom:
Awful will be the first to say we were stumped, and a little sick to our tums, when we heard about Jaylor, especially after the short-lived stunt Swifty pulled with everyone's favorite werewolf. Still, doesn't Jakey not wanting to dish about his country honey on the red carpet last weekend make all this licking and picking totally seem real? I know, and I'm straight.
I don't mean to be rude but I must say you're going a little downhill on Robsten news lately (non-Breaking Dawn). I feel like you give updates that we can draw our own conclusions from based on pictures or answer our questions with questions. You're supposed to give us the deets we aren't privy to. It's starting to get a little annoying. I get excited every morning to read your B.B.s, hoping there will be new Robsten dirt in there and all you do is answer the obvious questions about if they're married in reality or if she's pregnant. I mean, come on. Is there any new dirt about their offscreen relaysh you can dish about? Dish already.
Dear Awfully Disappointed:
Whatever is asked about is always dished about, get with it! Do you have a specific question, Robsten Rager? Regardless, the rest of the blolumn—apart from the letters section—is chock-full of Robsten dish practically every day, not sure what you're talking about.
Your response to my question yesterday got me thinking: Do Jackie Bouffant and his beard have an open banging policy à la Nevis Divine? In other words, is there a hint of romantic affection between them? Or are they just besties?
Dear Not Enough:
Open bang sesh is a sometimes go between Jackie and his gal. But I'd say Nevis enjoys his one-on-one time more.
You have stated in the past that Toothy Tile knows who he is, reads your column and is quite flattered by his moniker. Now that got me wondering: Knowing all this, do you still personally interview him on the red carpet or for sit-downs? Are you able to keep a straight face, look him in the eye and not call him Toothy? Or are you banned from actually talking to him? We all know Hollywood is all about pretense, but come on, in his everyday life, people must refer to him as Toothy to his face, and every time, he must be thinking of paying you back, no?
Dear Too Much Tooth:
Paying me back? Darling, Tooth is most grateful for any and all publicity I afford him—of this I am certain. You must remember, this is a guy who's totally into kinky, extraordinary sex, which few of his fans know about. And when Mr. Tile gets to see the items we write up about him, he totally gets the biggest vicarious thrill imaginable.
Is anyone going to speak up for Ashley Greene and try to make people understand that she had nothing to do with what Demi Lovtato went through? Demi had problems long before Ashley ever came in the picture, and Ashley is just the girl, it could have been any girl, the result with Demi would have been the same. The whole situation sucked, but it's not Ashley's fault!
Dear Tweet About It:
Wish I could retweet you on this one! Why the Ashley-Demi sitch is still a trending topic is beyond me. Demi is dealing with her problems, and as much as it wasn't directly Ash's fault, I can't say I don't believe the beauty's visit was the final push to send Dems over the edge. Come on, unstable doesn't do well under pressure, especially if it's a new girl stomping on your territory. Either way, we hope Demi gets better soon and people get off Jashley's case!
Let's imagine that Ashley Greene and Joe Jonas are still together by the time Breaking Dawn Part 1 premieres. Do you think they will upstage Robsten on the red carpet?
Not a chance! Even though we're so sure Ashley will do her best to out-do Kristen, there are way too many Robsten enthusiasts out there. Not even a JoBro can measure up to Edward and Bella in tweenland!
How do you feel about Katy Perry? Would you call her stupid?
Dear Branding the Babe:
No, I'd call her naive. Very.
With Taylor Swift being all over the news lately with her new album release, it has me wondering: Has she ever cracked under pressure? Does she have her own Blind Vice hidden away somewhere?
Dear Blinded by the Blond:
Taylor will never crack—that's one tough little mother. And yes, of course, she has a Blind all to her own, already, that's a given!
Please fill me in on One Tree Hill cast gossip. I love me some One Tree Hill, but they all seem so...I don't know, "clean" and adorable. Have any of them ever been a Blind Vice? And is there any hot stuff happening behind scenes?
Dear You Got It:
There are more Blind Vice alums strutting around that horny set than adopted children in Brad and Angelina's various estates. Jeez, you'd think the show would be better with all that tension being relieved behind the scenes!
I am new to the Blind Vice game but I think I know who Cass Stimulatia is. Is it Fergie? She was on Kids Incorporated so that would explain the "virginal" part. So did I get it right on my first try?
Actually, that's a pretty damn good guess! But alas, wrong hard-as-nails chick.
I cannot thank you enough for the link to Valley of the Dolls. I read that book my senior year of high school (not on the reading list), and I fell in love with that decade of Hollywood. Please give me the honor of advising other books to read similar to that decade, or at least books to honor the author's memories. I have Once Is Not Enough and one other. Much love to you and your furry babes. Especially since my family thinks I am crazy for treating my pets as kids. Me? I know they are crazy for acting the opposite.
—Kristin and not Kstew
Dear Likes It Woof:
Margo and Charlie Casablanca insist that you pick up a copy of Every Night Josephine, also by Jacqueline Susann. May not be smutty enough for your tastes, but it it's all about Jackie's lesser well-known obsession: her dog.
Just read Super-Duper Cooper's latest Blind Vice, and wow. Disgusting! That is by far the grossest Blind Vice ever. So do you think if he and Cass Stimulatia hooked up they would (a) be a good match and (b) totally shock the gossip world? And who is more famous?
Dear Barf Bagger:
Cass doesn't do greasy guys like Super anymore. But oh, was there ever a time she did! No one would be shocked if they did date, but like I said, ain't happening.