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Ashley Greene

Haley Mevorach/startraksphoto.com

Dear Ted:
Personally, I am indifferent toward Ashley Greene. However, I am frustrated with the number of comments I read on your posts of the Demi Lovato-Joe Jonas-Ashley drama singling Ashley out as a slut for being connected witha bunch of different guys/celebrities. Uh, Joe Jonas is just as guilty of that—Taylor Swift, Camilla Belle, Demi, Ashley and probably others. If people are going to judge one person for whoring it up, that same criteria should be applied to anyone else doing the same thing. At least Ashley has the balls to be up front about it and not hide behind a purity ring. Also, as for the person in one of your recent Bitch-Back's complaining about their url getting deleted? I proudly admit to being one of the (probably) many people pressing the "Report" button on the post, because it's a space for comments on the post, not ads!
—EJ

Dear Greene With Envy:
You're right, EJ, but it's no surprise. Really, it's just jealousy, I think. Ash is living the fab life and nabbing boys people are just dying to daydream about—and so they get pissed and call her all kinds of nasty names because they're not getting that JoBro (or whatever) lovin'. She's a twentysomething hottie. Of course she's going to date.

Dear Ted:
What say you about rumors of Miley Cyrus' mom, Tish, getting involved with Bret Michaels when they were recording a duet? Exaggerated reporting or truth? I think there has to be some kind of truth in it since Tish and Billy Ray are getting divorced. On the other hand, when will Me-Me Dallas get her own Blind Vice archive?
—Hanna

Dear Redneck Roundup:
What do I always say, H? Where there's not-so-sexy smoke, there's probably some sort of bandana-loving fire. And so weird of you to mention Miss Me-Me, but when she starts up her naughty nympho antics again, I'll Archive her, too.

Dear Ted:
Was just wondering, does Maribeth Bush have anything, apart from extreme egomania, in common with the divine Tyra Banks? I think there might be a little something they share.
—Tortietude

Dear Banking On It:
Yeah, if you mean their favorite thing to talk about is "me, me, me." Well, that and pretty hair. But Ty isn't our Ms. Maribeth, if that's what you're asking.

Dear Ted:
I apologize for this being the same question everyone asks: But I believe everything you say and tell the public. I check your site every day to check out the new gossip that is posted on your site, but last week I saw a magazine in the shops and it said that Robert Pattinson left Kristen Stewart? Do you know if this is true? And everyone is sending mixed messages about them, is it also true that they got married last year or this year? Because I don't know where to find the truth except here. I'm a huge fan of Robert Pattinson and also Kristen Stewart. Thanks.
—Blue

Dear Rumor Redux, Part One Million:
Blue (and anyone else asking the same effing Q's): Don't you think that, being a humongo Robsten fan, I would at least comment on any of these tired rumors if they were true? Trust, I would. Until then, just consider them BS per usual.

Dear Ted:
Is Strawberry Snort 'Em even old enough to buy alcohol?
—Tara

Dear Coke-a Cola:
Does it even matter in Hollywood? She's famous enough to buy alcohol, that should be your standard.

Dear Ted:
I just have to ask: Is saying tranny really insulting now to the transexual community or is this just GLAAD being extra sensitive? I never thought it was insulting like the F-word, just a shorter way of saying transexual. Help! I'm trying to keep up with the lingo!
—Mars

Dear Dick-tionary:
It's really more about useage than meaning, right? If tranny's being used in a derogatory fashion (particularly by somebody outside of the LGBT community), then they should have the fingernails of one of Eddie Murphy's nighttime companions scrape their bottoms somethin' good, don't you think?

Dear Ted:
Has Justin Bieber even been in a Blind Vice? That kid has got to have some dirt on him by now, considering all the "swagger" he claims he has.
—Carter

Dear Biebs Blind:
No, J.B. is all tween bark and no bite. His nastiest Vice is his sometimes ‘tude, but he'd sure like you to think it was sexier than that.

Dear Ted:
I saw more pictures this week of Chelsea Handler out for lunch with 50 Cent. My question is, won't her new friendship with the rapper cause her to lose fans? I had tickets for her stand up show in Toronto this December but I now plan on giving them away. I'm currently writing a research essay on tolerance and maybe I'm just being oversensitive because I'm so caught up in all my research notes, but I just can't stomach the fact that Chelsea Handler is now buddy-buddy with a man who "jokes" about shooting up a gay wedding.
—em

Dear Good Heart:
Do you what you think is right, Em, but all Chelsea cares is that you're writing in about her, mission accomplished.

Dear Ted:
My sweet, rescue puppy, Blue, would like to know if Chiquita is a crucial character to the show? That is, if she weren't doing a higher up...
—Nic B

Dear Chiquita Bananas:
Duh, she schtupped herself to importance. Well, more importance; she's always been a big part of the show, mind you.

Dear Ted:
Do any E! coworkers have a Blind Vice? Maybe Ryan Seacrest, Chelsea Handler or one of the Kardashians?
—V Doe

Dear Keep It in the Family:
Yes, but probably not who you think (and not one of the above).

Dear Ted:
Are they really going to make a movie for the Hunger Games? I am just finishing the last book, and I am sure the cast would have lots of Blind Vice potential! In the meantime, do you have any fun Bay Area gossip for your NorCal fans?
—Ellen

Dear Hungry for Goss:
It's the biggest young adult series following Harry Potter and Twilight, of course studio execs are dying to put it on the big screen and rake in the dough. And since they'll probably cast some of the hottest stars of young Hollywood, I'm definitely waiting for the Vices. No NorCal goss, sorry babe. Congrats on your Vice-free victory in the World Series though.

Dear Ted:
Since I almost nailed it last time, I wonder if you wouldn't indulge me again in playing guess that B.V. age? In order from oldest to youngest: Seymour Plow-Me-More, Judas Jack-Off, Toothy Tile, Dashed Dingle-Dream, Barrington Bang-Me, Nevis Divine, Twyla Babe-sucker, Terry Tush-Trade. Can I get a "bingo"?
—BV Groupie

Dear Age Is Just a Number:
Not quite. You're off on a couple.

Dear Ted:
The next gay Blind Star to come out must be Toothy Tile: not only does almost anyone with internet access and a search engine know who drop-dead-gorgeous Toothy is, but also, even though I felt disappointment upon learning of his identity—not because of heterosexual lies, but being gay would tremendously diminish my chances in getting into his pants one of these days, yeah, I know, an old fart like me can dream—but the most important thing is, whenever I see a preview of his movies, whenever I watch him in interviews, or glimpse a picture of him in a goss mag, my panties still go poof! Proof that gay or straight, hot is hot. Out with it Toothy, all gay men and women should be allowed to live freely, and most importantly, we want to see you hook up with someone super hot and maybe younger: Nevis Divine anyone?
—Rita

Dear Coming Out Party:
T2, the real Tooth, mind you, not one of the gajillion of guesses, doesn't plan on coming out of the closet like...ever. No matter how many panties he has poofing.