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Angelina Jolie, Brad Pitt, Jennifer Aniston

AP Photo/Chris Pizzello; Eric Charbonneau/Le Studio/Getty Images

Dear Ted:
Couldn't believe your goody-two-shoes answer to the Aniston/Pitt/Jolie question. What is wrong with you? This is nothing compared to Polanski, Ryan leaving Reese for Cornish, Cibrian and Rimes. What about Boreanaz, James and Woods and such public cheating. James Cameron dumping wives for newer models. All those producers/directors who have a casting couch for women and men. Tons of other actors who have so inelegantly dumped their spouses. And you feel sorry for Jen? She has milked this situation like a pro-milker. Were Jolie and Pitt right? No! But Aniston was hardly the Ms. Wronged Goody Two-Shoes. Get real, Ted.
—Cliff

Dear Marriage Ref:
Didn't know it was a contest, Cliff. Sure, I feel sorry for Jen, just like I feel sorry for all women wronged by D-bag dudes or vice versa. No point in ranking ‘em. It all sucks, don't you think? And, Cliff, sounds like you're hinting Jennifer asked to be treated like she was? No woman (or man) deserves that, no matter their marital deficiencies.

Dear Ted:
Do you think Kristen Stewart would ever consider, or be considered, to do SNL? I mean, she's obviously a funny girl and can do just about anything. She's spoken about it before, but her answer was somewhat unclear. Do you think that if they had the right skits she would do it?
—Angelica

Dear Saturday Night Fright:
Hate to break your Twi-lovin' heart, but there's a certain word there that would totally freak K.Stew out: live. So while the bosses over at SNL would love for Kris to show off her improve skills, the bashful babe mostly likely won't make her late-night debut. Just think of how much crap she got for one little cough at the Oscars—now multiply that times a billion. Those gigs are much more suited for the likes of too-perfect Taylor Lautner.

Dear Ted:
Did the hated member of the Lost cast make it through season six without being killed off?
—Feline Friendly Lostie

Dear Spoiler Alert:
Um, didn't everyone die in the last season?

Dear Ted:
What's the deal with almost the entire cast of Twilight being chain smokers? The thought of smoker's breath, yellow fingers and hacking coughs is ruining my fantasies! (Not to mention making it "cool" for a whole new generation who view the paparazzi photos).
—Can't Seem to Butt Out

Dear Up in Smoke:
Babe, don't you think it would be a little bit stressful to step into shoes belonging to R.Pattz, KStew or any of those other vamp/vamp-lovers? But you're right; it's gross and I'm currently seriously contemplating quitting again myself. Wish me luck.

Dear Ted:
After looking through your B.V. gallery with my shelter rescue cat, Kissandra, I noticed there were some pretty big Vicers at Comic-Con this year! Any of them up to something scandalous this weekend, or were they all on their best behavior?
—Super Curious Fan

Dear Comic-Con-troversy:
It was no Robsten lovefest like last year, that's for sure. But no, San Diego didn't go all Sodom and Gomorrah, as any Vice action that went down was kept über-secret. Well, except for Chubster Hunkster's wandering eye, and hands, of course.

Dear Ted:
My two sweet rescue cats and I think John Mayer is kind of a disgusting jerk. We haven't heard much about him lately. Are the girls around Hollywood finally getting the picture that this guy is bad news?
—G

Dear Devil's Advocate:
Or is J.M. just getting more secretive of his sketchy habits? Also, remember: girls love the bad ones, always have, always will.

Dear Ted:
I saw some of the most disturbing pap pics of Robert Pattinson today. One guy was smiling while jamming a camera an inch from his face. My heart ached for Rob. How can the paps get away with this? A pure violation and a threat to his personal space. Isn't that harassment out in L.A.?! Lady Di died being chased by paps. Haven't we learned anything after all these years? I hope he leaves the country after he's done filming.
—PG

Dear Hell-Ay:
Hollywood plays by a whole different set of rules, doll. And while celebs get oodles of special privileges, sure, they also sadly lose the ability to have even a smidgen of a private life. Which especially sucks for those stars who actually want a private life and aren't calling the paps to meet up with them on Melrose.

Dear Ted:
Huge pic of Snooki on the front page of the Style section of the NY Times! I read the article; there's a bizarre comparison of Snooki to Elizabeth Taylor. The end of the world must be at hand. I'm not prepared for the Snookification of America. Then again, she's the perfect running mate for Sarah Palin in 2012. Maybe it's just the apocalypse...
—Lucien

Dear Snookocalypse:
Poor New York Times, they're always copying us. And while we obviously support any interaction between Snookers and the former gov, she didn't share our same enthusiasm. Total shame, right? Got to admit that Snooks does have her very own...style, and it's definitely a hot topic.

Dear Ted:
Are there any Blind Vices that you don't write about on A.T.? Is there anyone who has barely even received a passing mention, or not at all, except for hidden under a fake moniker in a B.V.? I feel like some people guess the most famous/most obvious choice, when there are about a bajillion peeps in T-town that could be B.V.s, we just don't know them as well or don't hear about them from your column. Any truth to that? I don't have any rescue pets to pimp out, but I do volunteer at PAWS every month to give the lonely pups some much-needed cuddlin' love!
—JR

Dear Shall Not Be Named:
While most of the B.V.s are regularly written about (because we just love gossing about even their less-Vicey antics), there are a couple whose names only ping my radar when they're up to no good. Trust, they're not D-list though—just not my usual crowd. Thanks for your PAWS work, terrific organization.

Dear Ted:
Am I the only one that thinks Angelina is wasting her talent. I mean Salt? Why? She could be doing much better things. She is an absolutely exceptional actor.
—Ailish

Dear Diva in Demand:
No, A, you're definitely not. While I do think the movie was entertaining—but hey, I love the Bourne series, and it's basically the same thing—I thought Angie truly stood out as exceptional. So, yes, I agree she could do better than Salt, but I also agree with Michelle Rodriguez that A.J.'s helping chicks actually be able to kick ass on the big screen. And that I support.

Dear Ted:
Is Erin Andrews still romantically involved with Maksim Chmerkovskiy? What is with her always tweeeting about Evan Lysacek? Is Erin now dating Evan? Did Maks break up with Erin over Evan? If Erin is still with Maks give us some good gossip on the love affair.
—F

Dear Three's a Crowd:
Erin and Ev (whom we just adore, by the way) are BFFs—no need for Maks to be jealous. But stop sweating, Maks-Em fans, the two are tight. They're not looking to get serious, but they're having mucho fun. Isn't that all that matters?

Dear Ted:
What juicy things can you tell us about the cast of The Hangover? Or what juicy B.V. tidbits can you not tell us about the cast? We know one of the leads is a B.V. superstar!
—Lee

Dear Viced in Vegas:
Let's just say that Bradley Cooper was making a name for himself in the B.V. Hall of Fame long before he was making a name for himself on the big screen.

Dear Ted:
Orlando Bloom
and Miranda Kerr are married now, and I still can't get this bad feeling about her out of my head. Her mother can't stop talking to the media about them and seems to be enjoying the attention too much. I don't trust Miranda and I think she's going to break Orlando's fragile little heart. Am I off base here? I'd love to hear your opinion, please!
—C

Dear Honeymoon's Over:
Don't hate on the model too much, C. Orli is loving the attention just as much as his new bride—or her mom. I guess when you think of it like that, they're a fam made in heaven, huh?

Dear Ted:
Is Entourage even remotely based in reality? Your descriptions of Hollywood indicate just about everyone is gay or at least bi, so now that's pretty much my assumption. So what's with all the slutty girls and hetero sex in this depiction of T-town? Just fudging the facts for public consumption?
—Redhead

Dear Hetero-Over-Sexual:
Uh, where the hell have you been? Tiger Woods and Jesse James led that legion of boozy broads out of their skanky closet for the whole world to see. Trust, Entourage definitely nails certain parts of T-town.

Dear Ted:
In a recent Bitch-Back, you said that Robsten would break up before Zanessa. Could you give us, in your opinion, why you think that is more likely and maybe who or what would break them up? By the way, I haven't adopted an animal, but I did take in a pregnant stray that gave me four fuzzy kittens, and I also feed all the neighborhood stray cats and dogs. That's like having 20 kids to feed!
—Jessey

Dear Purr-fect:
Kisses to all your kitties, Jess. As for Zanessa, call me crazy, but I could actually see them tying the knot. Can't you?

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