Week in Review: Time to Care About Angelina Again

Who wants to talk about movie stars (after we cover the scandals, of course)?

Money's down there, but we're starting to think it's text messaging that's at the root of all evil.

From Tiger Woods' well-publicized missives to the latest twist in the Mel Gibson drama to David Boreanaz's alleged penile pictogram, you've got to wonder just how invincible these people think they are to be sending digital evidence to be used against them in, if not a court of law, then at least the court of public opinion.

(If, you know, anyone's telling the truth about this stuff.)

Lindsay Lohan should be glad to be in jail, there's no texting allowed behind bars...

JAILBIRD: Lindsay's in the slammer, where she'll spend a mere sliver of the time she was given, though it's no thanks to her lazy Susan of lawyers. Unfortunately, this weekend's going to be a bust, having already used up all her friends-and-family visitation time, so maybe it'll be a good time to dig into those snack packs.

MESSAGE SENT: In case you thought anyone was going to come out of this mess looking good, Mel Gibson may have evidence—in the form of a text message!—that Oksana Grigorieva had extortion on the brain when she recorded their arguments (in the house he's selling). Oksana maintains her ex is lying about everything, however.

BOYS WILL BE...DISGUSTING?: David Boreanaz is being sued for allegedly making things mighty uncomfortable for a bit player on the set of Bones. She claims he even sent her a pic of his, er, bits via text message. Talk about your boneheaded maneuvers...Casey Affleck has also been slapped with a $2 million sexual harassment suit by a producer on his Joaquin Phoenix documentary. Joaquin, brother of Summer Phoenix, Casey's wife.

TRÈS JOLIE!: It's nice to observe movie stars in the environments they were intended for—on big screens and red carpets. Angelina Jolie, who may have been super weird once but is now just really glamorous, makes her long-awaited return to theaters this weekend in Salt, and of course she's had to go all over the place, including Comic-Con, promoting and looking pretty. Salt may have left a bad taste in someone's mouth, but the build-up has been a joy to watch, even if she doesn't beat Inception at the box office and score that sequel. (And even though Jennifer Aniston's latest movie is The Switch, she's still a viable contender in a Style Showdown with Angie.)

COMIC-CON 2010: E! News is all over the annual fanfest in San Diego, covering panels, interviewing your favorite stars, looking out for Brad Pitt, etc. And due to the additional TV presence in recent years—Bones, Dexter, True Blood, Weeds!—Watch With Kristin's entire team is down in Ron Burgandy town gathering scoop.

WEDDING BELLS: They're not ringing for George Clooney...Orlando Bloom and Miranda Kerr said "I do".

GREAT EXPECTATIONS: Christina Applegate and fiancé Martyn Lenoble are expecting...Ali Larter's expecting her first with hubby Hayes MacArthur.

LAW & ORDER: Alexis Neiers was released from jail after serving 30 days for her role in a burglary at Orlando Bloom's house...Chris Klein pleaded not guilty to DUI...A guy dressed as Darth Vader robbed a bank...Jury selection began in the Anna Nicole Smith prescription-drug trial...Bret Michaels' road crew was cited, but not arrested, for having drugs onboard...Michael Lohan subject of a domestic violence complaint filed by ex (you'd think)-fiancée Kate Major...Former Color Me Badd boy Bryan Abrams busted for allegedly getting rough with his wife...The guy who threatened South Park's Trey Parker and Matt Stone was arrested on related terror charges...Foxy Brown busted for violating a restraining order...Kate Plus 8 is following child labor laws...Jennifer Aniston restrained an alleged stalker...As did Sandra Bullock...Ice-T was busted for a driving infraction...Warrant singer Jani Lane sentenced to jail time for DUI...Paris Hilton crosses paths with pot in France.

CIVIL DISOBEDIENCE: Simon Cowell sued for being insensitve on Britain's Got Talent...Brad and Angelina collected some penance from News of the World for a false breakup story...Daniel Staub sued for defamation by the ex-boyfriend who denies making their sex tape on the sly.

LONE STAR STATE: Jesse James won the court's permission to move to Texas with daughter Sunny. He also doesn't have to pay a former business partner $6 million, but he's probably more excited about getting to be near Sandy again.

HEALTHCARE: Zsa Zsa Gabor is said to be in critical condition a few days after hip surgery. We hope it's not as dire as it sounds...Billy Corgan blacked out onstage...Jeremy London's wife is recovering from a brain hemorrhage...Bryce Dallas Howard opened up about postpartum depression...Former Bachelor girl Cristina Costa injured in a car wreck following a Bachelorette: The Men Tell All taping.

FAREWELL: Character actor James Gammon (Major League, Urban Cowboy, Cold Mountain) died of cancer at 70.

POSTMORTEM: Simon Monjack died of pneumonia and anemia, just like wife Brittany Murphy.

SAD NEWS: Kelly Osbourne's dog Woody died.

KEEPING UP: Kim Kardashian expressed support for ex Reggie Bush in light of USC tossing his Heismsan Trophy...Kourtney Kardashian and Scott Disick strolled on the beach in Cabo.

TV LAND: Rachel Uchitel misses out on The Celebrity Apprentice but gets Celebrity Rehab with Jeremy London, Eric Roberts, Jason Wahler, Janice Dickinson and Leif Garrett...The Jersey Shore crew will be back for season three...Maksim Chmerkovskiy is looking out for Erin Andrews...Watch Jessica Simpson on Entourage...SYTYCD stopped unraveling at the seams...Clooney's getting a special Emmy...Justin Bieber's headed to CSI...Bethenny Frankel has opinions about Bristol Palin...Mad Men's fourth season premieres Sunday, here's some dish...Chris Isaak could be the one to replace Simon Cowell...Ali's narrowing it down on The Bachelorette...DirecTV saves Damages...Charice explains the Glee botox...Your 2010 Tater Tops results are in!

MOVIE LAND: No more Sex and the City movies, thank goodness...Johnny Depp's back as Jack!

MUSIC LAND: Katy Perry artfully gets naked on her Teenage Dream cover.

SCENESTERS: Paris Hilton partying in St.-Tropez...Rihanna and Matt Kamp enjoying her L.A. tour stop at Drai's in Hollywood and mixing it up in Vegas...Britney Spears and her hair-like stuff at Crate & Barrel in L.A....Kellan Lutz and AnnaLynne McCord celebrating her b-day at Wet Republic in Vegas...Alex Rodriguez and Cameron Diaz arriving separately yet partying together at Jay-Z's 40/40 club in New York...Ashley Greene and Miley Cyrus walking their dogs in Detroit.