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Joel McHale, The Soup

E! Networks

On tonight's shiny new Soup...

Joel takes all the Lindsay Lohan coverage, puts it through a strainer and serves you only the juiciest, most glitter-soaked and pirate-midget-filled chunks...

Inside Edition takes potential buyers on an open house tour of  Mel Gibson's Malibu estate, as well as an open-mind tour of Mel Gibson's disturbed psyche...

The Bachelorette's Frank ditches Ali for his ex-girlfriend and a life of uncomfortable silence...

Our favorite morning news shows awkwardly revel in tragedy in a hilariously morbid Chat Stew...

The Real World's Ryan tries to prove to Preston that he's not gay by rubbing things on his rectum...

The Jersey Shore cast strikes, and we take you to The Situation Room—no, the other Situation Room—for all the drunken, fake-tanned coverage...

And an ibex screams at Joel and blows in his face...

Catch it all tonight at 10 p.m. ET/PT!

Follow @thesoup on Twitter.