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Jake Gyllenhaal, Prince of Persia, Lego

Walt Disney Studios; Lego

We seriously didn't think Jake Gyllenhaal's campy costume for the upcoming Disney flick Prince of Persia: The Story of Jake's Pecs could get more guffaw-worthy (despite the pretty damn doable bod itself, minus overdone Fabio trappings), but then we saw J.G.'s Lego action figure. Sorry, folks, we don't even get a pint-size superhero-esque action figure of chiseled Gyllen-hon to play with, but this supercute and totally harmless plastic children's toy instead? And it pretty much captures the doability—or lack thereof—of present-day Jakey perfectly.

Oh no?

Try as we might, we just can't drool over a guy who's become as vanilla as the soy latte we always catch him sipping alongside Reese. Manically manicured biceps 'n' abs in themselves don't make a real man, and neither does prancing around in a supersilly getup with an even more impractical piece of arm candy. We so know Gyllen-babe would rather jump back into indie film land and do his less pumped-up, more moody thing. He's so damn good at it, remember?

Is being a big, sweaty H'wood He-Man that important to ya, Jake? 'Cause this Lego figure almost pulls it off better than you have so far.

Please. For the sake of those three of us left who still swoon over ya, Jake, replace the gym and the GF with your true self. It was the hottest thing round there for a while.