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Bethenny Frankel

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Kim in a bikini? Good gravy. Those knockers really are flotation devices. I have to say something positive: I love and adore those bangle bracelets of hers, and at about $1,000 a piece, that must be a $30,000 arm to go with her blinged out watch and $10,000 rack. In some neighborhoods, they might dismantle her and sell off her parts.

I'm sure you all were convinced when Kim said she's be with Big Pappa, money notwithstanding. Her new favorite term (to go with her fave word: supersede) is legally married. Last I knew, Big Pappa was married and living with his wife.

We keep wondering what is wrong with Kim. What is Big Pappa's damage? I know he's Turkish; I've seen his mansion in the Atlanta outskirts. Someone come forward with the dirt.

I can't believe I didn't write this to begin with: Since when does anyone use the word twat on television or otherwise? And since when is that not a bleep word? Excuse me? Twat? Wow. Let's all take a moment of silence for that. I barely will use it when I joke about twatting rather than tweeting.

That one will take a while to digest. Isn't the T-word as bad as the C-word? Did I miss that chapter in my blasphemy and profanity handbook? I consider myself a rather seasoned trash mouth. I digress...

I thought Lisa was a relatively good actress, and I agreed with her versus the teacher. However, she paled in comparison to that outstanding performance of Kandi's. Wow! She is talented. I was loving Lisa until she became the victim for not being given as good a monologue. Bottom line: Lisa did well. Kandi nailed it above and beyond. Liking her a lot!

Nene, Nene, Nene. If you want to have a successful book you have to write it. You may not edit or structure every page, but you need to write your story. This is often the problem. People leave it to someone else to find their voice. Most people don't read, and most people don't buy books. Add the sore economy to that, and don't underestimate what it takes to sell a book.

Ignorance is bliss (for the time being at least). Nene has become quite the pompous one these days. The gild is off that lily. The last sentence to her writer, "Write the damn book," says it all.

Sheree, Sheree, Sheree. Hooray for Sheree today. What else would a 40-year-old woman want for her house? A dining room table? Washer and dryer? Guess again. Sheree wants a life-size portrait of herself. She celebrates her fabulosity in a way the likes of which I've never seen. She is wildly entertaining to me, and I love her delusions of grandeur. 

Also, I'm not mad at her for it. She isn't starting up with someone else. She in her own right is entertainment. I also don't want to mess with her. She is jacked like Conan the Barbarian. Did you see those guns? The best was the artist saying she's not superficial and that she is a queen. She's never heard words she likes more. I also really liked her beautiful, sweet mother, who was very supportive.

Kim in the jewelry store: That $30,000 necklace was hideous. She is a beating. "Oh my god, I'm good looking," she says. These broads are fan-friggin-tastic. You could just hurl diamonds during that scene.

Lisa looked adorable for her show. She did a very nice job. Kandi was incredible, and that mic snafu is from the Bravo microphone and misrepresented. She didn't choke a bit. I even liked Dwight during this scene. He's relaxed into his new celebrity versus trying to be overly dramatic.

Now to the independence party. It feels like they're weaving in Sheree's friend to be a wife. Sheree looked great in bangs, and Kim's fracture is questionable to me. That smells of Big Pappa's M.D. on the payroll. 

Nene caught the delusional cold from Sheree. What a narcissist. She now believes her own myth. How obnoxious to say that the song won't do well without her? She buried herself in that scene and needs to check herself. The devil's advocate moment is that Kim does lie for a living, so I'm sure there are frustrating undertones that we didn't see. It's never about what it's about, and Nene is pissed. There is one theme: If Nene isn't the center of attention, Nene no likey. 

When she was arguing with Kandi, she was lying to her by telling her she says it all to her face. We all talk about each other, and that is totally evident in the show. Don't front. My favorite line is Kandi saying to Nene that she would be "blowing up on yo ass." Great line.

Kandi is sassy. Nene, there is a new sheriff in town, and she can hum. As for that nasty stripper, I lost my appetite. Bring Nene back to the pole!


Bethenny Frankel is the inventor of the Skinnygirl Margarita and author of the New York Times best-seller Naturally Thin. The Skinnygirl Margarita is available in stores nationwide or at SkinnygirlCocktails.com. For more, please visit bethenny.com and follow Bethenny on Twitter: twitter.com/bethenny. Bethenny is blogging exclusively for E! Online every week, dishing about the craziness that goes down on the new season of The Real Housewives of Atlanta.

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