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Blind Vice

Nothing refreshes us on a moody Monday morning like a Bonus Blind Vice, and we're all in luck, babes! This one's full of sex 'n' love and second hand embarrassment for Stinky Carrot-Crotch, a boob-tube dude used to rolling around in piles of money, but typically all by his lonesome.

Man's not exactly a ladykiller, 'tho his bank account and undeniable talent certainly get women to give him second, third and fourth glances, shockingly. He's not exactly tragic looking, either—so we're kinda stunned to hear SCC's got trouble with the female sort.

Well, not always—Stink got kissed by lady luck (and then some) one special evening, but maybe he should've been careful what he wished for...

Stinky, who just loves to hear the sound of his own voice, slunk into a karaoke joint for a night of dorky fun, but ended up with a whole lot more in his hand than a microphone. Like, two babes looking for a good time, and a famous guy to do it with. The punch-drunk gal pals recognized the dude from his work on the small screen and were more than willing to hightail it back to his place for a night of super sloshed after-hours antics.

Was Carrot-Crotch into it? Totally! This was his first ménage au trios ever, and he was sick of being prude by default. Unfortunately for him (and even sadder for the two girls) he didn't know what the hell he was doing the whole time, since he barely knows how to handle one broad in the bedroom, let alone two.

The next morning, CC woke up with a sparkle in his eyes for one of the honeys—'course, she had endured enough of the star's inexperience in bed the night before and ran out of there, prioritizing her libido over a life of riches and jewels and other high class crap. Her other friend, however, totally had the hots for Carrot-Crotch, but his mind was too focused on what he couldn't have: the other girl who wanted nothing to do with him.

Take heed to the moral of Stinky Carrot-Crotch: this proves that money sure can't buy you everything—including how to please a woman. 'Course, he could always pick up one of these at his local sex shop, they do the trick just fine we hear! Unlike Stinky. Poor rich funny baby.

And It Ain't: Jon Hamm, Sam Trammell, Matt Stone