It's been one heck of a tense, trying Soup week. Somehow, we managed to locate a handful of stories that didn't start with the words "Kanye West."

• Speaking of talent with an enthusiasm for substance abuse, old hand Whitney Houston took time out from doing, uh, not much to school Oprah on drug etiquette. Who smells comeback?

• There's something about the way this Bridezilla's aging southern daddy owns and operates the term "bitch" that is utterly breathtaking. OG indeed.

• Who knew (or cared) that Madonna had so much in common with Michael Jackson? Besides Madonna?

• Some people use their eyes for seeing. Tyra, however, uses hers for smiling! Isn't that neat?

• Who doesn't like watching a pack of religious circus clowns terrorize the elderly? And while you're at it, eating God's crackers will make you rich. Rich, we tell you.