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Taylor Lautner, Taylor Swift

Fame Pictures

Dear Ted:
I am digging the Taylor Lautner/Taylor Swift thing. In the Entertainment Weekly interview with Taylor and Kristen this summer, he mentioned how much he really likes her music after working with her in their upcoming movie Valentine's Day, I can't help but to notice that he may have a thing for Ms. Swift. Taylor even made a comment during the VMA's red carpet interview that he was excited to see Ms. Swift perform. Is there a real TayTay in the making?
—Egger Fan Monielove

Dear Swiftner:
We sincerely hope so! It's just too precious not to happen. Plus, this is how people get hooked up in H'wood—they put it out there themselves, and complimenting your crush in an interview is a surefire way to get her attention. Plus we think a gentlemanly TL wouldn't break lil' Swifty's heart over the friggin' phone à la Joe Jonas.

Dear Ted:
Regarding the Kanye West/Taylor drama: maybe it's just my southern roots, but I can't believe that Taylor Lautner (the only guy on the stage) didn't intervene. He should have taken the microphone away from the attention seeking fame whore that is West and handed it back to Taylor Swift. Wouldn't that had been the gentlemanly thing to do?

Dear Intervention:
He's a sweet guy alright, but he's not stupid. Who knows what crazy crap Kanye's capable of? Think he wants to get clocked on TV by a Hennessey-drinking rapper who can't control his outbursts?

Dear Ted:
We all know Megan Fox is one heck of a manipulator. Wouldn't it be better if she kept some air of mystery and keep her mouth shut instead? I would be much more interested if she did something bizarre and not know the reason.


Dear Meg Keeping Mum:
Besides getting those tattoos, Meg's actually never done anything bizarre—she only says out-there things, hello, how brilliant is this broad? If she kept her yap shut, she'd completely disappear.

Dear Ted:
I have to comment about Ryan Reynolds and Scarlett Johannson heading into Gyllenspoon Territory. All of those who have been loyal to you for years knows "exactly" what that implication means. Are you giving us a hint that Ryan and Scarjo are on the same level as crafty Reese and smiley Jake? Or are you giving us a hint that Gyllenspoon is gonna tie the knot like Ryan and ScarJo?
—Janele , VA

Dear So Subtle:
We were implying that Ry and Scar are one latte away from being as boring as Reese and Jake. You read into things much too much, hon. In that item in particular of ours, at least.

Dear Ted:
My sis and I are big Twilight and AT fans. We have watched MTV Movie Awards, Comic-Con, Teen Choice Awards and the VMAs and read all your articles and looked at tons of candids of the actors/actresses. We noticed Taylor Lautner's smiles have gotten less and less and when he does smile it seems forced. What gives? Is he tired of being in the middle of Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart? Or has he developed his own crush on KStew? He sure watches her a lot. Give us the scoop.
—Wondering in NY

Dear Lautner Love:
Summit would love you to believe Tay and Kris are eye-flirting with one another. But it's much more a bro-sis type of relationship than anything else, believe us. And we haven't noticed TL looking worn down doing all this press… it's quite possible Lautner could get super jaded of this biz pretty quick, just like Rob

Dear Ted:
First off, I love your column. I'm addicted. Second, Patrick Swayze's death (so sad) got me thinking; he and his wife were together from a very young age, and seemed like a couple truly in love. What other couples in Hollywood would you say are/were like this? I always loved Mel Brooks and Anne Bancroft, not sure why, but it seemed like they really worked together. Thoughts on modern couples?

Dear Eternal Love:
You're looking for a non-Robsten relaysh, right? Kevin Bacon and Kyra Sedgwick are the real deal, and Calista Flockhart and Harrison Ford still seem pretty lovey dovey for one another (bit of a shocker), and not in a show-off TomKat way.

Dear Ted:
Please tell me my favorite actor of all time, Viggo Mortensen, has never been a Blind Vice. He seems like such a great guy and not one to get involved in all that Hollywood stuff.

Dear Lord of the Lads:
True that he's not interested in the Hollywood scene, but, trust us: Viggo knows his way 'round raunchy fun. Just not yet in Blind Vice form, perhaps soon?

Dear Ted:
I remember all the hype for Orlando Bloom when he was shooting Lord of the Rings. The huge movie that a lot of hot guys in it. Kinda of like Twilight. Do you think Rob will fall off like Orlando did?

Dear In Bloom:
Bite your tongue! Seriously, though, it all depends on his post-Twilight move. Dude's already ran off to played gay in indie flick Little Ashes, we think he's at least trying to head in the right respectable direction as opposed to doing whatever all his fans demand (aka be Edward Cullen forever).

Dear Ted:
What you think of Shia LaBeouf and Kristen Stewart doing a movie together? I heard Shia had a thing for her, is this true? I hope they do a movie together that will be great. They are both best in their craft and they are one of the best in their generation.

Dear Shy Shia:
Shia can crush on half the girls in H'wood, doesn't mean he's going to get them. 'Member when he went on that one failed date with Rihanna? Too funny ('tho in retrospect we much prefer a nice Jewish boy for RiRi than a g-f beater). We're more concerned that you think Shia is the "best of his generation"...actually, you might be right. How sad is that?

Dear Ted:
If a little fairy grant you the wish for just one of your gay Blind Vices to come out, who would you choose and why?

Dear Come Into the Light:
Toothy, of course—it would be epic! As much as I love having my lil' Toothy as a regular in this column, I'd rather dish dirt about him using his real moniker.

Dear Ted:
You're a dickhead, why don't you f---ing grow up, already? Who the f--k are you to imply that Rachel McAdams is ugly or old-looking? Criticizing celebrities' stupid behavior is perfectly acceptable, but why make it personal? You have issues, dude. I won't be reading your words anymore—too negative, just like Kanye. Congratulations on being in the same category as that loser.

Dear Just Like West:
I'm really happy for you, and I'm gonna let you finish, but Rachel McAdams had one of the best faces of all time until that disastrous fashion show. No worries, she'll be back soon.

Dear Ted:
Sorry to hear about you and Jon. I wish I had some advice to help you get past it. Maybe you should invite some friends over just for the laughter and new memories. Have a small little gathering and invite Alec Baldwin, Jake Gyllenhaal, James Franco, Robert Pattinson, and Jared Padalecki over to share with you their advice on love in the 21'st century. Maybe they have some secrets they can share with you that will put it all in perspective. And on the cig's—better those than the drink, but since you're going to be single again you should remember—no one likes kissing an ashtray.

Dear Fag Alarm:
Thanks for the fab condolence note and super party-planning tips! But, my mouth has never had any complaints.

Dear Ted:
Let's cut to the chase on this one...Is Judas Jack-Off on the big screen or television?

Dear Big and Small Screener:
Both, but definitely more one than the other.

Dear Ted:
I read your description of the term "beard" (and "double-beard"). Your definition is too narrow and seems biased. A beard is someone who acts as a date/lover/boy or girlfriend to hide the other person's real relationship and/or sexuality. Also, since bisexuals date/sleep w/both men and women, logically neither sex is a beard. In one of your BVs, you've hinted that Judas Jack-Off is 'bi", so really no one he dates is a beard. Anyway, hope you're honest enough to clarify the definition of 'beard' with your readers.

Dear Wesbter's:
If somebody's dating somebody just for show—which Judas has done with some ladies—it counts as a beard. Or how about a "goatee", since you clearly want some more specific definition for each scenario.

Dear Ted:
Topher Hairy-Tuchus… I'm thinking its Eddie Cibrian.

Dear No Go:
Topher's rep is much more sparkling than Eddie's.

Dear Ted:
Huge fan of the blog and you! Quick question, we all know Robsten is real, but how long have they actually been together (exclusively or semi-exclusively or whatever their flavor is)?

Dear Huge Fan Back:
Define "together."

Dear Ted:
I've been wondering ...how many of the Blind Vices know that they're in a Blind Vice with AT? Do they panic over it? Are there hysterical (in all senses of the word) from them, their lawyers, etc? Sorry to hear about Jon. Huge bear hug.

Dear Hysterical Blindness:
A large percentage of them are pretty aware they're our shining stars, since some of these so-specific Vices couldn't have happened to anyone else. Plus, if they're sinning out in public, they shouldn't be surprised that it ends up somewhere on a gossip blog. And thanks for the virtual hugs, hon.

Dear Ted:
So I'm wondering, how does K.Stew (who I adore) feel about Meg Fox and any attention R.Pattz may have given her in the past (or may give in the future)? I read somewhere that she wasn't too thrilled with their contact, limited as it was, at the Teen Choice awards. Just want to add that I am sorry for your losses (both of them) this year. It is a credit to you that through these painful experiences you maintain your professionalism.

Dear Fox Hunt:
Who wouldn't feel threatened by mini-Angelina lurking around their lover? KS has nothing to worry about, but that doesn't mean Pattzy doesn't like looking (if not pouncing) on H'wood's other hotties. And many thanks for the love.

Dear Ted:
How's Terry Tush Trade going in the media? Big on attending all the awards shows and benefits? Or usually keeping it low key?—Jessica

Dear Dog and Pony Show:
She keeps it pretty low-key while still making the T-town rounds, which means she isn't truly a look-at-me Paris Hilton type. Thank heaven for that.