They're f---ing (with) Matt Damon.
Though at least he won't be hurting for material when he turns up—alive and well—to chat with David Letterman tonight.
Fan girls' collective hearts briefly stopped beating yesterday evening when the Internet became awash with reports—or really, just one dubious and, as it happens, reycycled year-old report—that the Oscar-winning father of two had passed away.
Unlike the usual fake celebrity death reports that see victims falling off New Zealand cliffs, Damon's demise reportedly came during a trek through California's Palo Verde mountains on Wednesday after going missing during a camping trip.
Nevermind that Damon wouldn't have time to go camping even if the inclination struck, busy as he's been promoting The Informant! in both Venice and New York over the past few days.
Giving the rumor a touch (though just) of credibility, it cited TMZ as the source of the sad news.
And while the words "Matt Damon," "is" and "dead" did in fact appear on said site yesterday, it wasn't exactly a declaration.
During a session of TMZ Live, a commenter posed this head-scratcher: "Is matt damon dead?"
The query was followed by a link to a posting on a message board that reprinted the camping-trip-gone-awry story that falsely proclaimed the actor's death. Which, incidentally, was posted way back in October of 2008.
The story began making the verbatim rounds and, somewhere along the way, included Olympian and Dancing With the Stars champ Shawn Johnson in its morbid mongering. (Fear not: She too is alive, tweeting and making the NYC rounds.)
As it is, the latest chapter in his faux-feud with the late night host can be seen on Jimmy Kimmel Not Dead Live! next Tuesday.
E!'s own Joel McHale stars alongside Damon in The Informant! Get the scoop on McHale's soupalicious new show, Community, from Team WWK.