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Sarah Michelle Gellar, David Boreanaz, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson, Twilight

UPN/20th Century Fox; Summit Entertainment

Dear Ted:
I think Rob and Kristen should be Buffy and Angel for Halloween. Your thoughts?

Dear Team Angel:
Love, love and more love! But let's not make Kristen have to kill Rob and bring him back from hell, etc.

Dear Ted:
I think I am becoming obsessed with "beards." Are they so shallow as to enter into a fake relationship just for the attention from the press for themselves…and to cover for someone who is in the closet? I mean, Ted, what's in it for them? And why do closeted celebrities feel they have to stay in the closet? Haven't we made any strides at all in this country? Am I naive?

Dear Forward Thinker:
Only naive to the Biz, hon-cake. You don't see Neil Patrick Harris or T.R. Knight (whom we both adore) getting offered parts in big flicks where guy gets girl, do ya? That's the fear of the closeted actor. As for the beard, a lot of them have secrets they need covered, too. Not to mention they're often vicarious to the max.

Dear Ted:
Why is there no Blind Vice archive? Wouldn't it be nice if it were organized by person, and not by date. P.S.: How about some new gay Blinds that aren't about Twilight? Dish!
Blue Rafael

Dear Patience Is a Virtue:
We promise, we're on the B.V. archive task. Over a thousand of them, baby, remember. And it'll be a hell of a lot better than just being organized by person. As for gay blinds, you clearly must be new to this column. Dig farther back, babe!

Dear Ted:
Did Angelina fool around with Gerard Butler while filming Tomb Raider 2? She has fooled around with almost every leading man in her movies, but I never heard anything about the two of them.

Dear Penis Raider:
Like you said, not sure many costars Angie hasn't had a taste of. Wonder if Gerard reciprocated? Remember, he's, uh, kinda hard to please in that capacity. Things with Aniston never really took off.

Dear Ted:
Please help me clear up a discussion I'm having with my sister. I think R.Pattz takes his time in the morning to work his 'do into that trademark, disheveled don't-care look with the help of a product or two. Sis believes Rob rolls out of bed in the morning with his hair already so perfectly naturally tousled, and the only product he uses is his natural hair oil. Which do you think it is, art or nature, or maybe a bit of both? Either way, though, he is one delicious young star!
Anna Ireland

Dear Sister Squabble:
The way Kristen Stewart playfully makes fun of Rob's hair in this clip, Taryn says she wants to go with you. But I've been around too long to buy that just-effed look. R.Pattz clearly puts a lotta work into looking that unworked.

Dear Ted:
Love the site but got worried. Saw Lindsay Lohan lookin' like a vampire on her Twitter. Please tell me this is not a plea to get into True Blood. I'm deadly afraid her fangs are trying to get into the show. Please tell me there is absolutely no chance!

Dear Sickness:
Holy hell no. She would never get a chance to be a part of that show. Chalk her skeletal bones up to a really healthy lifestyle.

Dear Ted:
Can you get Michael Angarano's rep to say he has moved on? Rob and Kristen are keeping things under wraps. The fans want the word from Mike.

Dear Try, Try Again:
Nope, M.A.'s reps aren't getting back to us on that one, wonder why? Because that's the only way he still gets his name mentioned.

Dear Ted:
Welcome back from the vacation! We missed you. Team Awful did well, though, no problem there. Also, loved the blooper reel. You are so cute when you have a hissy fit! But tell me this: The 300 reference in the Gory-Hole B.V. was a red herring, wasn't it? Besides, you would never call Gerard Butler a handsome stud, would you?

Dear 300 Guesses:
Sorry doll, no pun there. And ain't Team Awful the best? But Marc Snetiker has asked it be made perfectly clear that he actually does not care for Kristen Stewart. I tried to dissuade him from declaring this, but he's young and silly and wouldn't listen. So there.

Dear Ted:
Chad Michael Murray
and Kenzie have been engaged for years. What's taking them so long to walk down the aisle?

Dear First Comes Baby:
Common sense on her part, hopefully.

Dear Ted:
As a huge fan of Smallville, do you have any worthwhile info on Tom Welling? He's very sexy and seems sweet in all his interviews. He looks like he could be the love child of James Marsden and Zach Braff. Also, has Vancouver always been a filming hot spot? The 'Couv paints the backdrop for many films and TV shows in recent years. Why is that?

Dear Money Talks:
Because it's way cheaper to film up in VBC. As for your Small stud, he's hardly small. Or bored (or predictable) in the bedroom.

Dear Ted:
I am counting on you for the goods on this one. What is the deal with Kristen being photographed with Nikki the other day? Was this just a casual walk or was it supposed to say something more? Are we back to the friendship stage with these two? Do you think these pics were staged or was this just a candid moment? Kristen looked pretty carefree; Nikki looked a little more uptight.
Say No Krikki

Dear Frenemies Forevah:
It's easier to be friends and keep Nikki "in" than not.

Dear Ted:
Do you think Robsten is real? I must say I don't really think so because when celebs hook up, the media goes wild and starts taking pictures of them holding hands, kissing and hugging. The only picture that has come close to that was the one at the Kings Of Leon concert. All of the rest were Photoshopped. At the KOL concert, the media, when they were talking, acted like Rob and Kristen were the only ones out of the entire cast that went to the concert, but the entire cast was there. What do you think?

Dear Seriously:
After almost half a year reporting on this stuff I have to type out where I stand on Robsten? I can't dignify your question with a response!

Dear Ted:
Can you give us an update on Baby Tile?

Dear Crybaby:
Just that I can't wait to read the kid's tell-all. Daddie Fearest, I assume it'll be called.

Dear Ted:
Why are you guys gagging about Evan Rachel Wood and our beloved Alexander Skarsgard? She's beautiful and a great actress. Granted, I have to turn a blind eye to that whole Marilyn Manson thing, but still, love her as Queen Sophie Anne!

Dear Past Doesn't Die:
Look at ERW's former conquests—Mickey Rourke, Marilyn Manson and Shane West. Now tell me that girl deserves to be with a hunk like Skarsgård. Exactly.