Have you spent your summer wondering, "What tagline will they write for the new season of The Hills?" If yes, then we're happy to report that per the promo video above, season five of The Hills can be summarized in four words: "The bitch is back."

Yes, Kristin Cavallari rejoins her high school friends this season after a long time away from the MTV-sponsored Laguna Beach/Hills clique, and in punishment for her self-imposed exile, they're calling her names. Reality-TV producers can be so cruel.

In other news, the blond bimbo who must not be named seems to be turning into the hero of the piece. (We're stunned too.)

Well, hero is a relative term, and in this case we're just mildly impressed with her for (a) insulting her husband's ridiculous new look, which could be justly summarized as "big hat, no cattle," (b) wittily/wisely stating that hubby needs to knock her up soon, because "women have expiration dates" and (c) intervening with her sister Holly, who's apparently a tad on the drunky side.

In other news, She-Pratt and Lo Bosworth are looking hot. Artificial and manufactured, but hot.

The Hills returns to MTV Sept. 29. Based on the promo footage released today, will you be there?