Katie Holmes, Tom Cruise, Suri Cruise

Big Australia/Flynet

Ted Casablanca is traveling this week and mail is being tackled by Team Awful—so try us!

Dear Awful Truth:
Haven't heard much from you about Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes lately. Standing in line at the supermarket, I see headlines saying they fought like crazy when he visited in Australia. Those mags say there is trouble in paradise. What do you hear?
Cat Mommy in Texas

Dear Didgeridoomed:
But then you must have read the alternate stories, right? The ones that said that when Tom was Stateside, Katie kept it low-key, and when he visited in Oz, she was suddenly a photog sweetheart and happier than ever? There's no trouble in paradise, necessarily—maybe there was just no paradise to begin with. Think about that one for a minute.

Dear Awful Truth:
What causes a person to take nude pictures of themselves? I mean, if you're a celebrity of some sort, wouldn't it be foolish to do that? There's a high probability that someone will get a hold of the pictures and sell them to tabloids or something.

Dear Duh:
And for some celebs, that high probability you speak of is exactly why pictures are taken. And released. And then oh-so-innocently denied. But hey, I'm not naming names...

Dear Awful Truth:
Has Terry Tush-Trade ever worked with Luke Grimes?

Dear Grime Time:
If that's a veiled attempt at guessing that Michael Welch is T3, then you, sir, should be coyer next time. And nope, it's not Mikey. (Haven't we already told you that?)

Dear Awful Truth:
Hey! Jackie Bouffant has to be either Chris Pine or Zachary Quinto! Both of them are hot right now, both have beards on their faces and both have had figurative beards. So which one is he?

Dear Toothy Trek:
At least one of those guesses is wrong, wrong, wrong. Oh, but they feel so right!

Dear Awful Truth:
I have a suggestion to properly name the Austin Nichols/Robert Buckley bromance. Robstin gets too confused with Robsten, so how about renaming them Robin? If we are going to hear a lot about this hot pair, then we'll have to have them properly identified. Is Sophia Bush Shafterella Shoshstein?

Dear Done With One:
To be honest, I don't anticipate us ever talking about Austin/Rob again beyond a Bitch-Back or two—fellas just don't have much of a gossip-worthy shelf life, methinks. And no, Soph isn't nearly on the same level of stardom as S2, but she is just as sweet looking.

Dear Awful Truth:
After watching Judas Jack-Off and Dashed Dingle-Dream's recent performance, I believe they are no longer nooky active and are maybe not even on good terms. Am I the only one seeing this?
Kate M

Dear Gay Guess:
That obviously depends if you were watching the right performance in the first place, doesn't it? You seem awfully confident. Awfully.

Dear Awful Truth:
If one was lucky enough to work with you, would they be privy to all the Blind Vice info, or is it just your inner circle? Either way, love it all babe!
Ready to Sign Your NDA

Dear Blind With Benefits:
Blind Vices are on a strictly need-to-know basis. I'll tell you from firsthand experience: You don't want to know the things I had to do just to find out who Toothy Tile was...

Dear Awful Truth:
Can you respond to the rumors from this weekend that Robsten is over and that is why Kristen Stewart's mother came to Vancouver (to comfort her over the breakup)? Also, can you respond to the hookup rumors of Rob Pattinson with Christian Serratos and/or Ashley Greene? Thanks.

Dear Never Fear:
rumor patrol is on the way!

Dear Awful Truth:
I just saw pictures of Bradley Cooper and Nick Lachey hanging out together. How do they know each other? It looked suspicious.

Dear Bradley Brotherhood:
Seeing as Brad is only recently coming off his stint as a total C-lister, maybe he's giving D-list buddy Nick a few tips on how to cope.

Dear Awful Truth:
Can't you give us more Gillovny? Will we get more about them in September?

Dear Mulderama:
Well, piggybacking on the news that Gillian is game for a third X-Files flick, that means there's potential for some heavy Gillovny petting in the months to come, don't you think?

Dear Awful Truth:
Something was wrong with J2 this Sunday at the Supernatural convention in Vancouver. Jared and Jensen sat far apart until the moderator told them to sit closer. The oh-so-private Jensen talked awkwardly about his girlfriend and said that they have great chemistry. And Jared called J2 fans "strange people with bizarre fantasies." What happened? Are they freaking out because the Awful Truth mentioned them a few times lately?
Strange Girl

Dear Whaaat?
Our simple little blog? Nah. What could we possibly do?

Dear Awful Truth:
I have to admit to being sick of hearing about Michael Jackson. I was just wondering how well-known his drug problem was. It just seemed that I never heard about it. Was this common knowledge?

Dear Tired, Too:
For such a massive star as M.J., there was always enough money to go around to make sure no fans heard anything, ever. But for those in the loop, it was sadly about as common knowledge as the lyrics to Thriller.

Dear Awful Truth:
Do you think the reason R.Pattz's rep (who commented on his interview with The Mirror) doesn't comment on his personal life is because he told her not to?

Dear Cullen Censored:
More like the other way around. It takes a certain star power to be able to handle your handlers, and Rob is by far one of the most handled in H'wood today. It's he who's got the vampire gag order, not his publicist.

Dear Awful Truth:
Everybody is talking about Kristen's absence from the cast dinner. What's up with that?

Dear Boneta Bash:
Hey, Dakota Fanning wasn't there either, but you don't hear me complaining about it, do you?

Dear Awful Truth:
Too many sites are reporting that Robsten is currently house hunting so they can have their own L.A. nest after they film Eclipse. True or false?

Dear Mortgage for Mortals:
If you know another 19-year-old who is going house hunting, you let me know. Like I said, rumor patrol is on the way, kids.

Dear Awful Truth:
Is Jackie Bouffant Bradley Cooper?

Dear Nope:
Think less Jen Aniston-y.

Dear Awful Truth:
Do Robert Buckley and Robert Pattinson share something in common (aside from both being amazingly gorgeous)?

Dear Patt the Buck:
Oh, they share plenty in common. The name Robert, for one. Ooh, how scandalous!

Dear Awful Truth:
Why is it that the Jolie-Pitt twins are now 1 year old, and yet there are no photos of them from the past seven months? When Shiloh was born, all the way to her first birthday, there were at least seven different photo ops taken. Rumors say there are no twins, that Jolie lost them at five months pregnant and the ones in the only photos shown are of "borrowed" twins. What do you say?

Dear the Twins Exist:
Definitely a cruel rumor if I've ever heard one. But trust, the babies are real, and will be out and about in due time. (Remember when everyone thought Suri didn't exist?)

Dear Awful Truth:
I love the Awful Truth. I read it religiously, and I normally agree with you, but what's with all the Miley Cyrus hate? I know she hasn't made some of the best choices, but give her a break! She's a teenager. All teenagers want to do is rebel. She doesn't want people seeing her only has Hannah Montana. She's trying to branch out. And people saying she's fat? That is ridiculous. She's a growing girl with a healthy body. You would see that she has some real talent if you just cut her a little slack.

Dear Hannah Hate:
I don't think we've been particularly cruel to Miley, really—aside from the occasional complaint. On my end, I'm just not into her as much as, I don't know, Selena Gomez, who is my current Young Hollywood crush. If there's any reader out there who can set a date up, then please, do not hesitate to hit me up right now!

Dear Awful Truth:
Ryan Kwanten
is in GQ, on a hit show, works out like crazy and has a body to show for it, but this Aussie seems to keep to himself. Is he currently dating anyone?

Dear Want Kwant:
Ryan keeps very quiet about his love life, particularly because he's not a big fan of speculation, we hear. Which is totally understandable. With a body like his, he's probably got a bigger gay fan base than Cher.

Dear Awful Truth:
You answered "and how" when asked if Sarah Michelle Gellar has ever been the subject of a B.V. Can you please clarify that answer? Is that a yes or a no?

Dear SMG B.V.:

Dear Ted:
Please, please, please, Ted, come back now! Without you, the Awful Truth is sooo boring!

Dear Aw, Gee:
Sometimes I feel like our readers are almost too kind to us, you know?

Dear Awful Truth:
Is Toothy Tile George Clooney, and is Gray Goose Anderson Cooper?

Dear Nope!
Think far less salt-and-pepper for both.

Dear Awful Truth:
When young celebrities die of a drug overdose, like DJ AM, does it change the behavior of other drug-taking celebs and scare them straight?
Michelle, North Jersey

Dear Sad Stars:
Unfortunately, not really. The fright might make them flinch a little, but when the coverage of a death gets old, their misguided beliefs of invincibility start right back up again.

Dear Awful Truth:
So, tell me, Jackie Bouffant—is he from the U.S., Britain, Ireland, Canada, Australia or other?
Alicia, NYC

Dear Give You a Clue:
I'll rule out "other." That cuts down, oh, I don't know, 99 percent of the world. You're welcome.

Dear Awful Truth:
I got it. Nevis Divine is Rodrigo Santoro. It's cool, I won't tell.

Dear Lost in Nevis:
Well, it's a good thing you won't tell, because you're wrong.

Dear Awful Truth:
I am a newcomer and love the Bitch-Backs and the Blind Vices, so I was just wondering if there is some type of archive where I could read the B.V.s from day one along with all of the clues from the B.B.s, and the ones you have already revealed. Please answer my question—I would really love to read all of them!
Carolina Girl

Dear Coming Attraction:
That's my personal pet project, and with luck, it will be up within the next few weeks! Don't worry, friend and—more importantly—do not let your faith in the youngest Team Awful member waver!

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