Bethenny Frankel Blogs About The Real Housewives of Atlanta: "Michael Lohan Is a Termite"

The Real Housewife of New York City star calls Kim a master manipulator, Lindsay Lohan's dad a leech and more

Welcome to Real Housewife of New York Bethenny Frankel's exclusive blog about The Real Housewives of Atlanta. Bethenny is blogging for E! Online every week, dishing about the craziness that goes down on the new season. Here's her latest Atlanta installment for last night's lost-footage special and episode four.

Take it away, Bethenny...

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The wheels came off this Atlanta mobile in last night's special "lost-footage" episode. Granted, the New York wives may not always like each other, but we don't care who's friends with whom. These broads are more high school than we. Also, they literally don't speak English. Rarely is there an actual sentence. When Kim is the most grammatically correct, someone should cash in a Fendi bag for an English class.

That restaurant scene was unbelievable. Kim hit the skids for me by bringing or even associating with Michael Lohan. I once hosted a panel with him and Nene hilariously said it right when she said, "Michael Lohan, how random is that?" Michael Lohan is a termite whose own daughter won't associate with him. He has leeched onto Jill Zarin and Jon Gosselin and now has moved to Atlanta. What an embarrassment. I cried when Nene said for him to get his ass back to Malibu. Unfortunately, he probably can't afford Malibu. His last name might as well be Ho-han. That man is a press ho, and coming from me, that's a pretty big statement.

I do believe Kim is a master manipulator and "doth protest too much" when she repeatedly said how she never lies. She definitely has lied in her life, on this show and with these women. I'm sure she's not alone, but the grand "god" and "sleep at night" statements (not to mention swearing on her kids) were a bit much.
 
Sheree really has gone straight 'hood. She went out to the street to kick Kim's ass. By the way, I wish someone would have at least punched someone. If you're going to go that low-class, someone should get their ass kicked and serve a short sentence. Each and every one of these women, like most of us Housewives, have all said several nasty things about each other. That is a fact. What the particular content is, is irrelevant. In this case, it was the delivery that mattered. And by the way, how was this an intervention? A pathological liar's intervention? And who was intervening in who's life? This was in fact a confrontation.

As a total digression, was Kim smoking a pack of menthol Kools? Just asking because that is just fantastic. Bravo to Bravo. You could never in the land of ever find this crew nor write this.

I didn't really mention Kandi because she was absent for most of this episode. We'll get to her baby mama marriage drama next week, and Lisa had better do something spicy because I am bored.

Lastly, my favorite question was Sheree asking if there is some level above a pathological or habitual liar? That is a hilarious. Great question, and if there is, someone in this group has reached it.

Now as for episode four: Kim! Kim! Kim! People really seem to be liking her, which seems to be driving Nene crazy. This is understandable because, in general, the Housewives often forget that one week you're the devil and the next week they love you. Fake cancer aside, Kim is the most interesting character on the show. She is nuts, but you are drawn to her. Oddly, she really doesn't seek out the drama. She just wants a box of wine, a safe full of diamonds, a rich daddy and the ability to do whatever the ef she wants. She doesn't take herself too seriously, which, in this bizarre Housewife climate, is refreshing. Plus, it's really just entertainment.

As for her sightseeing Jessica Simpson Chicken of the Sea-type question, it isn't the most unintelligent question I've ever heard. If the sentence were seeing sights, the seeing part would be a verb. Poor blondie got confused. It was funny though. I totally agree with her that her nanny should go to unemployment hell. Who the hell has the right to tell your children that they'll go to hell for anything? This shady, tampon scavenger needs to be exiled. Kim even said she was going to "fire her ass." I'm thinking afterward she should fire the rest of her too. Buh-bye.

Nice cutbacks Kim: Why are you still wearing a fat engagement ring and driving a $200K Bentley GT? Where is your recession happening? While we're on Kim, I thought she looked great without makeup. I'm not digging the tranny-look as much. Also, those boobs have their own life. During those interviews, they go from lowriders to Hello Dolly high society.

Then the episode went where seemingly all Housewife episodes go: to a book meeting and a photo shoot. During a season, those are always hits, along with the token charity, fertility doctor and gala event scenes.

Kandi sometimes bores me, but I think she is sweet, and her mother was wrong in that photo shoot scene. My gut is that her boyfriend is unintelligent, uninterested, ignorant and bad news. However, that is her choice. And what is the big deal about one small photo? This won't end well, which will please me. Kandi is pretty and very talented with a cute little body and personality. She is insecure and settling. I hope she comes to her senses. A.J.'s one saving grace was how nice he was to her daughter. I really like that, and the whole situation makes me sad. Perhaps he hates the cameras and behaves as such, but four baby mamas is seriously sketchy, so I'd like him to go away. As an aside, Kandi looked prettier in the family photo. I'm not sure I understand the cockatoo hairpiece in the front. My little digs aside, she's adorable.

Nene went to get her nails done while chatting with Dwight. Did anyone notice that Biggie Smalls was her manicurist? That was hilarious! Her purple eye shadow and black outfit looked great, but what the hell was going on with that "I Dream of Greenie" silk outfit she had on during the interviews?

Do I really need to comment on the Sheree male stylist with the cleavage giving her runway tips? I think not. Kojak is some character. I've seen him in real life with his four-inch heels, tight jeans and exposed package.

Nene looks good in the workout scene. She's tall, proportionate and in shape. I also liked her in that pink fuchsia top and jeans. She looks great. I wasn't a huge fan of the manufactured speed-dating scene, but I found it funny that Dwight got two event planners. I'm gathering that Sheree had no event planner scenes since her "who goin' check me, boo" event planner date was enough. Dwight finally seemed sweet and normal in this scene.  I liked his open mind and his saying that he liked people. I also liked Sheree's ability to be nice to all of them. Points there.

Now to King Tut: Kim doing shots of Goldschläger is almost as hilarious as her drinking 17 glasses of wine with her kids. I also appreciate that Sheree is a self-proclaimed "grown-ass woman." Judging by the hair pulling, her ass is full-grown, but maybe not the rest of her has matured. Lisa's and Sheree's dresses were hot in this scene, and Nene again looked great in jeans.

Kandi is right that not every church singer makes it, and a lot of crappy singers make money. Remember William Hung from American Idol? He cashed in, which is exactly why Kim was smart to make a satirical single, which is now in stores. She'll make a few bucks on how idiotic it is. She's not as dumb as that weave looks.

I also think that Kandi's singing was great, and I didn't like Nene being a hater. She may have her own reasons. God knows I've hated and had mine. I did, however, find it ironic that when Nene was calling Kandi ghetto, the way she said 'hood was quite possibly the most ghetto thing I've ever heard. These girls are definitely characters. I sympathize terribly with Lisa, but we need to see more about what makes her tick.

More next week...

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Bethenny Frankel is the inventor of the Skinnygirl Margarita and author of the New York Times best-seller Naturally Thin. The Skinnygirl Margarita is available in stores nationwide or at www.SkinnygirlCocktails.com. For more, please visit www.bethenny.com and follow Bethenny on Twitter: twitter.com/bethenny.