Robert Pattinson

Vince Bucci/Getty Images

We know the Twilight flicks are only gonna get steamier and sexier as they go on (thank heaven), but there's slim to no chance of the delectable passion between Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart scoring an adult rating (onscreen, anyway!). If you are craving some triple-X Twi action like we are, it's your lucky day, 'cause now there are new, non-Summit-approved sex toys inspired by the franchise!

We're actually surprised it took this long to come out, you? Get ready...

Called "The Vamp," the adult apparatus is described as having a "deathly pale flesh tone reminiscent of the new moon's glow," and best of all, just like Edward Cullen himself, it sparkles! We wanna be turned on, but the attention to detail is just too funny. This attempt at sexiness has us laughing harder than Eric Dane's porn line readings.  

Is this product besmirching the sparkling reputation that is Robsten? Or maybe it's enhancing it for those of you who truly wanna get any version of R.Pattz, even a prosthetic one, in bed? Personally we think the vamps in True Blood would be a more appropriate choice for a line of sex toys—wouldn't you die to see a life-size version of what Alexander Skarsgard's packing?

But the point really is: This is what happens when Summit—and less so, Robsten themselves—participate, even fuel, the denial of what is a very real relationship between two hot, young and lovely honeys. It leaves room for all sorts of wacko opportunists to swoop in and make the whole romance seem somehow verboten, when, in fact, it's kinda sweet and normal.

Just young love is all we have here. And we absolutely hate it when all this commercializing—from all fronts—tries to make it something else entirely.

  • Share
  • Tweet
  • Share