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Ashton Kutcher, Anne Heche

Frazer Harrison/Getty Images for Anchor Bay

Ashton Kutcher is probably on top of the world right now. The model-turned-actor-turned-producer is making a big splash with his newest acting gig (the movie Spread), his newest producing gig (the Mischa Barton vehicle The Beautiful Life on the CW), and his personal life (the latest rumor is that wife Demi Moore changed her name to Demi Kutcher).

It's like everywhere you go in H-wood these days, you're bound to hear or read about something Ashton-related. That's gotta be doing some huge things for his big…ego, right?

Meanwhile, co-starring with Kutcher in Spread is that dizzy diva Anne Heche. She's got that HBO show Hung, which is performing well albeit a little lukewarm. And prior to that, she was in the spotlight for her cancelled ABC comedy Men in Trees. And before that for being sexually confused and enmeshed in inter-planetary pickles.

So whose ego is getting too big for their britches, and whose is turning heads for being so gosh darn level-headed?

Well, obviously, you know things in LA aren't what they should be. Turns out that Ashton is the real down-to-earth charmer, while Anne is nothing short of a bigheaded, arrogant bimbo.

Coming off of his recent showing at the premiere of Spread in Hollywood on Monday, Ashton was nothing but courteous, polite and charming to everyone who wanted to get a piece of the Kutcher action. After stunning honey Demi and at-least-she-tried stepdaughter Rumer took photos with the A-list stud, Ash had them escorted inside the theater then went back to make his way through the long, long line of hungry journalism folk.

We asked Ash if he was anything like his d-bag character in the movie, and his idea of the sleaziest thing that a guy can do to wrong his woman.

"I just think not respect her," he told us in that sweet, straight-up way of his. "You know, I sort of think that men are lucky to live in a world with women. And the minute that you stop appreciating that as a man, then you'll do something sleazy eventually and you'll be reprimanded for it."

Sounds just about right for a guy who hasn't let his superstar status (or his superstar wife) get to his head just yet.

As for the Heche-monster, we were warned beforehand that if you didn't have a 20-person news team with you, you shouldn't even bother trying to talk to Anne. And darlings, ain't that the goddamn truth. She just whizzed by like we were last year's lesbians. Isn't being rude to the press much worse than talking to them?

Here she goes trying to play the "humble" card, but her weepy backstory doesn't change our opinion: she's one big meanie who knows how to sweet talk. Or does she? Her attempt seems a little more disastrous than successful.

Careful, Anne, sweetheart. We hear you're only in the movie for, like, five minutes. And besides, you should be so lucky to be interviewed and maybe get back some of that relevance you had when you were, you know, actually famous.