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Megan Fox, Nerd

Mark Von Holden/Getty Images; Image Source/Getty Images

In a reaction to National Megan Fox Awareness Day, Denver, Colorado teen Timmy Storch Jr. has issued a statement.

"I guess it's time for me to finally admit it, but Megan Fox is just too hot," offered Storch from his parent's basement, as friends Kyle, Steve and Brent—all devout Fox afficianados—stood by in amazement.

"The stunning face, the pillowy lips, the gorgeous hair, the perfect breasts, the undeniable legs, the rear end that a young man's dreams are made of…it's all too much for me to handle.

"Give me an Amy Winehouse, a Lindsay Lohan or a Lil' Kim," continued an earnest Storch. "A fantasy girl with bad teeth, substance abuse issues or even a jail record. That's the level of woman I might actually have a chance with. I don't know, maybe if she gets a lot more tattoos—especially if they're poorly done—I'd be willing to consider fantasizing about her," the teen admitted, nervously lighting a cigarette.

As Kyle stepped forward to make a filthy impromptu remark involving the exquisite Fox and "bone structure," the proceedings were interrupted by Storch's mother demanding that there "better not be any smoking going on down there."