Since last week's Soup defiled the airwaves in its usual grand fashion, you—the dedicated fans of heightened humor—have demanded more of Myke Hawke.

Capt. Myke Hawke, that is, military veteran badass who taught bizarre food-devouring lardass Andrew Zimmern how to survive in the jungle for a couple days with only a camera crew.

So, for the sheer third-grade pleasure of it, here's all of Myke Hawke you can handle.