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Brad Pitt, John Mayer

Steve Granitz/Getty Images; Larry Busacca/Getty Images

Dear Ted:
Why do you trash John and Jen all the time? We know you are on Brad and Angelina's payroll. You always try and tear John down, let the man alone. You're only making yourself look stupid. Why try to make something ugly out of something as beautiful as these two?
Sam

Dear Newbee:
Angelina payroll? Do you read this column, babe?

Dear Ted:
You must do a story on why Hollywood has blackballed the Jolie-Pitts. They haven't won a single thing since starting their family! Everyone is just jealous! They gave Angelina's Oscar to Kate Winslet, who should have won for Titanic but not that dreary little movie The Reader. They stole Brad's Oscar for Benjamin Button and gave it to Sean Penn! Everyone in Hollywood goes along with Jennifer Aniston the sad-eyed dumped ex-wife. Now, two fine actors are being stripped of the awards they obviously deserve by mean-spirited people in Hollywood. Do the story, Ted! You know I ain't lying!
Always Lovely Airy

Dear Adultery Snub:
Don't think Jen had anything to do with Brange losing at the Oscars. Both movies were not the flicks they should be winning for. They can both do better and riskier roles to get that gold.

Dear Ted:
Do you think Chris and Rihanna would ever get back together?
Kelvin

Dear Old Habits Die Hard:
When thinking about many domestic abuse cases, I would unfortunately have to say yes. But with the whole public involved, this could be a different playing field. My hunch is we're all going to be shocked.

Dear Ted:
What does "piranha" mean to you guys? Here in Brazil, land of that kind of fish, when we call a girl a "piranha" it means she's a slut. I mean, is Natalie Portman that kind of piranha? Paris Hilton for sure is a piranha in Brazilian terms.
C

Dear Lost in Translations:
Nat is no Hilton species. She just knows exactly which fish she wants in the sea.

Dear Ted:
We would appreciate if you comment what Kristen Stewart's dad said about his daughter not showing up at the Oscars this year. Pretty ungrateful, huh? I mean, Robert Pattinson and other castmembers are always so polite and so warm with Twilight fans. Is it so difficult for Kristen Stewart (and her dad, I must say) to show a little consideration? We know, she's a great and serious actress, and she doesn't understand such psycho behavior from teenagers. I just think fans and books deserve a little more respect than that.
Jennifer

Dear Ungratefully Annoyed:
You never bite the hand that feeds you your big H-wood meal. She should be happy people even want to interview her—she was no one before.

Dear Ted:
Love your blolumn. Did Angie seem completely perturbed by her arm candy while walking down the red carpet at the Oscars? I got the same vibe from Sarah Jessica Parker and Matty B. I think both those relayshes are headed to splitsville pronto!
Psychin' it in LA

Dear Callin' Miss Cleo:
Brangie's will be over before SJP's.

Dear Ted:
Your column is fab—I look forward to reading it every day at work! Just wondering—is Toothy Tile Brian Austin Green?
Curious in Calabasas

Dear Matchmaker:
No, but BAG could be his type.

Dear Ted:
Getting Isaiah Washington fired doesn't stop you from being a bigot? And using the F-word doesn't prove you are a bigot? Bigotry goes both ways, and you appear to be short on forgiveness and quick on judgment.
Yvette

Dear Checks n' Balances:
I'm all for forgiveness, trust, when it's sincere.

Dear Ted:
What's up with Doug Reinhardt and Paris Hilton? Are they a couple now? At least one thing they have in common is they both seem to "get around" a lot! I think their celebrity couple name should be Hardt-on!
Karen

Dear Burning Sensation:
We told you this has been six months in the making.

Dear Ted:
Where, oh where, are the photos of George Clooney and Barack Obama together? Are they worried we can't handle that much gorgeous alpha male? Please see what you can do about landing one of those photos; you know someone had to sneak at least one shot of that!
Toby

Dear Explosive:
This was the best I could come up with. Do-Me delicious, no?

Dear Ted:
I'm worried. I noticed that you aren't wearing your wedding ring in the most recent Truth Lies & Ted. Please tell me all's well with you and hubby.
Concerned

Dear Case of a Rancic:
Giuliana
, I'm not.

Dear Ted:
Time for my pissed list. I really like your Q about what you would text Obama. What I don't like is Illeana's response. But really now—she wants Obama (cough-taxpayers-cough) to support (cough-fund-cough) the arts? How about she gets some of her $1 million-plus earning actor friends to fund the arts! I do like Illeana. She's brilliant and funny. I just can't help having a Bale moment when very well paid celebs comment that the common people should monetarily support more issues while they try to evade taxes so they can buy another Escalade.
Lucy

Dear Money Talks:
Feel better?

Dear Ted:
Why should Robert Pattinson do a gay movie when he only did the last one 'cause he needed the money? He shouldn't because he's already got enough problems with the women chasing him, he doesn't need older gay men following him around. Back off! Stop making it unbearable for a young man who has potential and assume you're the last word on his future career. Didn't you bash Twilight?
Elisaks

Dear Teenybop:
Yes, I did, the movie didn't hold a candle to the book. And R.P. needs to get out of the Twilight and Harry Potter molds and get gutsy. I'm anxious to checkout Little Ashes, then we'll reconvene and plan his career, m'kay?

Dear Ted:
Loved hearing your voice from the press room at the after-Oscar broadcast but would have loved to see you. Anyways, watched Walk the Line for the second time yesterday and was struck by the chemistry between Reese and Joaquin. What gives here? Is her acting really that great? Do share.
JenJen, Chicago

Dear Cross the Line:
Are you saying Reese Witherspoon's the new Julia Roberts? Do tell.