Jay Leno is always a welcome presence on The Tonight Show.
The former host made a surprise appearance during Jimmy Fallon's monologue Wednesday. "I think I pulled something on that last joke," Fallon pretended. "I'm not sure I can go on, actually. But this is the Tonight Show. We have to go on. I need someone to tag in for me. Anyone? Can someone tag in for me please?" The camera cut to Leno, who was waiting in the wings, fully ready to sub in for Fallon. To start, Leno joked, "I've been standing back there for nine months!"
With that, Leno got to doing what he does best.
"Folks, sexual harassment is a big issue. People finally are taking it seriously. In fact, scientists at Northwestern University did a study about the differences between men's brains and women's brains. This is fascinating. Listen to this: It seems women's brains are located in their heads. This explains a lot! And a lot of really talented and really accomplished actors have been accused of sexual harassment. Also...Steven Seagal," the comedian deadpanned. "In fact, I was talking about this just yesterday with my Uber driver, Kevin Spacey. It's not just actors. Matthew Weiner, the creator of the hit show Mad Men, he's been accused. Let me tell you something, OK? When your last name is Weiner, just introducing yourself to people is sexual harassment."
"I'm sure you know, former congressman Anthony Weiner is in jail for sexting an underage girl. What you might not know is when he got caught, he actually called Bill Clinton to apologize. See, that's when you know your life is going off the rails, when your sexual behavior offends Bill Clinton, OK? Matt Lauer, fired from the Today show—and Matt had to learn the hard way. When Al Roker says 'no,' he means 'no.' How about Charlie Rose walking around naked in front of interns? When did newsmen start behaving this way? I never met Walter Cronkite prancing around in front of Margaret Thatcher: 'Take a look at that, Margaret!' 'And that's the way it is.'"
After addressing "levels of sexual harassment," he brought up Harvey Weinstein. Summarizing one woman's story, he said, "He meets a woman in a hotel lobby, asks to go up to his room, she says no, he then opens his pants and masturbates into a potted plant. Now, admittedly I have been out of the dating game for a number of years; it's just hard to believe the protocol has changed that much. And I gotta ask the women: Has that ever worked? A guy hits on you, you say 'no,' he does that and you go, 'Oh, what a fool I was!' How about Harvey? Has he thought it through? Let's say the woman did change her mind—the man is 65 years old! By the time he's done with the potted plant it's, 'Uh, sweetheart, you're going to have to come back tomorrow."
Leno ended his bit by referencing the scandal surrounding Stormi Daniels and Donald Trump. "Luckily, those are just media types and Hollywood people. Can you imagine what our country would be like if the President of the United States acted like that?" he joked. "As you know, President Trump allegedly paid a porn star $130,000 to cover up their affair. If that turns out to be true, it'd be the first time Trump has fully compensated someone for all the work they did."
After Leno left the stage, Fallon returned to interview Zoey Deutch and James McAvoy.
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