FAME PICTURESDear Ted:
I'm a 15 year old girl, and we don't all love Miley Cyrus/HSM/Twilight/Jonas Hoes (just thought I'd put it out there). I love you, though, and I think you're hot. If I was a guy, I would be all over you!
—Peace in Your Hair Grease
Dear Miley Jr.:
Dang girl, you sure are talking like little M. Thanks much, though, from me and my coif.
Dear Ted:
I saw some recent pictures of Reese Witherspoon, and it looked like she may be preggers in a couple of them. What do you think? Any chance she is going for No. 3? Is this why Jake and Reese seem so happy out and about lately, along with trips to the doctor's office? What's your take?
—Me Curious
Dear Tot Tracker:
It would be the most brilliant PR procreation since Angelina started breeding with Brad.
Dear Ted:
Why don't you ever have any dish on Ryan Reynolds? What has he done since Blade 3 that merits him a huge Marvel movie with extra shoots going on and a marriage to H'wood's hottest hottie, ScarJo? How is it he gets chosen to help clean up ScarJo's image? Why no dirt on him? He cannot act his way out of a wet paper bag! C'mon, Ted, I love your blog! You're one of the few who really dishes the truth!
—Em
Dear Reading Ryan:
Well, if a guy looks like that, he doesn't need much talent. Look at half of H'wood, they survive on looks and interesting personal lives alone for jobs (minus Lohan). And why does everyone keep forgetting how Ry left poor Alanis in the dust for Johansson's boobs!
Dear Ted:
It seems Brangelina mania hit its peak and is now on the decline. When will the same happen to Jennifer Aniston? Or will it ever?
—Bored With Aniston
Dear Jockin' Jen:
Maybe if she finally settles down with one of those boy-toys of hers (like that's going to happen). No pun there regarding a romantic relation to Lloyd Boy-Toyed, rest easy Mayer lovers.
Dear Ted:
There are three, possibly four, couples whose relationships might be close to splitsville: J.Lo-Marc, Gwyneth-Chris, Jennifer-Ben and possibly Angie-Brad (he's really aging with her). Based on that possibility, could you see any of these people going back to their exes and if yes, who with who? Like Brad-Gwyneth, Ben-.Lo, Ben-Gwyneth or J.Lo-Diddy?
—Curious
Dear Who's Dated Whom:
Jeez, how long did it take you to come up with these scenarios? You're obviously dead-on about all four couples seeming to be in relaysh turmoil. As for the rebounds, I wouldn't hold your breath for any of 'em.
Dear Ted:
It's been over a year since Heath died, but Jake Gyllenhaal still hasn't said much publicly regarding Heath in remembrance. I thought they were friends? Thought it was very strange for Jake not to issue a statement when Heath died
—Elle
Dear Mourning Time:
Since when did Jake become Heath's spokesman? I don't think it's necessary for him to issue any public statement about Heath, that's not what counts when truly remembering someone.
Dear Ted:
Please stop making your readers jump just to finish reading your posts! It is so frustrating. You've got a picture there that leaves you with a static amount of space, but instead of filling as much of it as you can, you write one or two dinky paragraphs and then make us follow a link to get the rest! It's incredibly annoying. This setup means readers have to deal with our connections' speeds to move from one page to the other; we have to scroll down on the jump page to find the place we stopped reading, because the link doesn't actually take us there; then when we're finished with that we have to go backward, dealing again with sometimes faulty Internet speeds. Come on!
—Rowena
Dear Arthritis Fingers:
Rowena, I adore and love you, but, in the time it took to write this email, you could have jumped three friggin' items already!
Dear Ted:
Saw the negative comment from Reader X about the title "Morning Piss." This struck me as strangely funny, because my dog has degenerative myelopathy; his bladder stopped working recently and I had to learn how to empty it for him. If Reader X doesn't like your version of a morning piss, she should try mine. Hugs 'n' kisses to you, hubby & Margo.
—Marge, Waterbury, Conn.
Dear Wet Spot:
The things we do for our lovable pets. Totally worth it, though.
Dear Ted:
Morgan Mayhem must most definitely be Lily Allen. Poor thing is such a mess these days!
—Pearl
Dear Define Mess:
You kidding? Lil's career is heating up again, her songs are fab. Morgan is just in a downward spiral with no light at the end of her tunnel just yet.
Dear Ted:
Oh my God, George Clooney as Liberace?! ROTFLMAO. And yet, if there are good shots of a naked G.C., I'll cough up the bucks to go see it on big screen. Love your imagination.
—Laughing and Hopeful in Providence, R.I.
Dear George's Junk:
Not entirely following all the lingo, but love your enthusiasm. It so should happen!
Dear Ted:
Does Nevis Divine have famous siblings and have a movie coming out soon?
—BMB
Dear Watering for Divine:
Define soon.
Dear Ted:
What is with Jen Aniston? She picks these quirky meaningless movies to play a "Rachel" character, and also they oddly mimic her real life. He's Just Not That Into You and now The Baster? Is she laughing at herself all the way to the bank?
—Kac
Dear Bang for Your Buck:
You bet, hon. Angie hasn't won an Oscar recently, so why should that be Jen's goal? She wants to take that America's Sweetheart crown back from Witherbabe.
Dear Ted:
When is Lindsay going to shave her hair off and start stealing gas-station lighters at 2 a.m.? Also, is Jessica Alba a snob in real life? She seems like she's totally fake. Loves!
—Nicci
Dear New Britney:
As far as Lindsay goes, darling, she's so already been there/done that, hello? And Jessica a snob? Which one? The Latina Alba or the non-Latina one?