AP Photo/Gus RuelasRock of Love Bus star and Poison vocalist Bret Michaels, 43, has revealed that his virginity has been missing since he lost it in 1980. “I was 15, and we did it at a fish hatchery,” said Butler, Pa., native Michaels. “It was the only place where no one was around. And yes, it was quick. ‘Two-pump chump’ would be an overstatement.”
Now, thanks to hatchery employee Vern Twellsman, the long-missing virginity has been located. “I was cleaning out the aeration pumps on the salmon feeder when my boot caught on something,” stated Twellsman to Soup Blog reporters. “At first I thought it was one of the brine tubes feeding the shrimp tub, but then I realized it was Bret Michaels’ virginity.”
Local law-enforcement officials describe the virginity as being “nothing special,” and allowed Twellsman to keep the small, meaningless item. “I might give it to my daughter for her Sweet 16,” said the hatchery worker. “She loves Bret, and her own virginity’s been missing for years.”