Michael Rozman/Warner Bros.
Michael Rozman/Warner Bros.
Ellen DeGeneres threw herself the ultimate 60th birthday party—and it's a wonder David Spade remembers any of it. The comedian stopped by her daytime talk show Thursday, where he had the host in stitches as he confessed to being ridiculously high at her star-studded soirée. "I was already drunk...but it was nighttime," he deadpanned. "So, I already came in a little hot."
Everyone has "been buzzing" about DeGeneres' party, Spade said. "She had a big rager. I got a fallout invite, which was great." Spade showed up after a stand-up gig in Irvine, Calif., joking that he suffers from "great guy syndrome" and couldn't skip it. "I don't know how I do it, but I got there!" Spade joked that he had no idea there would be a "cover charge" to get in, though. "Fifty seemed high. But $50, it's nothing to me—that's like $45," he said. "I paid it. It was fine."
Spade said the "celebs" were "packed in there like 'stardines,'" telling the audience, "They were everywhere and I bothered all of them. I really get in their grill. I never have anything to say. It's a real 'nonversation.' I walk up and it's just, 'Vavavavavava.' They do not know what's going on."
He first spotted Jennifer Aniston speaking to Kris Jenner. "Kim Kardashian was close by. I think she was winding down, and Kris Jenner didn't want to leave. I was thinking, 'What if my mom was at my same part as a kid? It'd be so crazy,'" Spade recalled. "Because Kim was like, 'Let's go.' And she was like, 'Ten more minutes!' She's like, 'Mom!' She's like, 'Wait in the car then!'"
Adele was "lovely," and he name-dropped a few guests, including Melissa Etheridge, Pink and Reese Witherspoon. At one point, he found himself standing between Jennifer Lawrence and one of DeGeneres' "rapper buddies"—who, she politely informed him, was French Montana. Regardless, he added, "He whipped out some medical marijuana—a big, rolled up doobie of it."
Wanting to seem "cool," Spade said he took a hit—"and I coughed maybe 40 minutes." After giving it back, he recalled telling the rapper, "Hey! Good batch!" In truth, he admitted, "I don't know what to say. I try to be cool. I go, 'Is that Hawaiian? Is that Vietnamese Purple-Haired Norslope Hash?' That's the last I had in high school, so I threw that in there; it didn't ring a bell."
Before long, Spade joked, "I was starting to space out a bit, because I was sort of in a half coma." He then spotted Oprah Winfrey across the room. "I go, 'I should talk to Oprah!'" As he made his way over, "The little embers of my brain that were still alive were like, 'Nope! Abort!'"
Spade "didn't really bother anyone else," as Leonardo DiCaprio "got away with a fist bump."
To his chagrin, Spade didn't actually get a chance to talk to DeGeneres at the party. "In fairness, I thought you were Justin Bieber for the first half hour—but it's only because your haircut! Not what you were wearing. You look great!" he said. "But when you're the belle of the ball, this is the main attraction. So, I feel like even some of these celeb-types I know I don't want to bug, because everyone's talking. I don't want to cut in on you and Bradley Cooper, you know what I'm saying? 'Hey, can I steal her?' So, uh, I just left you alone but I never sort of swung around."
Regardless, he had a "blast" mingling with DeGeneres' A-list friends.
"It's like the Oscars," Spade said. "You see people you don't see in real life."