Ah, fair President's Day.
It's a perfect Monday both for celebrating what is traditionally the most respected position in our country and for watching the Bachelor meet the parents of all four of his girlfriends within the span of two televised hours. Since it's a holiday, we're not in the office, and thus not able to GIF Corinne's truly incredible shopping spree. However, to make up for it, we had a viewing party with some alcohol. Happy President's Corinne Day indeed!
First, Nick truly shocked the women once again by giving them all hometown roses after he sent home Kristina. We don't know why they're still shocked when he shows up with roses since that is the point of the show, but whatever, Vanessa! It's nice that he's so easily able to surprise you.
And of course, Nick got all "this is a two way street" and asked Raven if she wanted a rose again, since she already had one. She did! Wow!
First up, Raven showed Nick around Hoxie, Arkansas, and by that we mean they rode ATVs, and then she fooled him into thinking they were being arrested for climbing a grain bin. We were very, very shocked—like, Vanessa levels of shock—that the cop turned out to be Raven's older brother who had just come by to uphold the traditional older brother role of intimidating boyfriends.
Then, they (Raven and Nick, minus the cop brother) made out in some mud, and they gave Corinne in the bounce house a run for her money. Just some quick mud-straddling before they headed over to meet her family!
At Raven's house, her parents wasted no time in slowly revealing that her father was finally cancer-free. Raven cried, and we couldn't help but think it was weird to have this family moment with Nick in the room. Her parents were super sweet, and if we were Nick, we would have had trouble not also speaking in that lovely Arkansas accent.
After hanging out with her family, Raven was determined to tell Nick she was in love with him, but she chickened out because she has a fear of rejection, which is totally weird for a human being. So Nick left Arkansas with no "I love you," and headed to Dallas to meet up with Rachel.
In Dallas, The Bachelor started a conversation about race that the show has never had before. Rachel took Nick to a predominantly black church and introduced him to her predominantly black family (minus her dad, who had to work). They both sat down with Rachel's sister and her white husband, and had a chat about how many black women Nick had dated, and how he felt about being in an interracial relationship.
Rachel's mom also sat Nick down to ask him the same questions, and Nick was adamant about all of the things he loves about Rachel that have nothing to do with race. Basically, "I don't see color." Rachel's mom was kind of like, well that's nice, but a lot of people do see color.
Both Rachel and Nick kept saying that they had already had conversations about being an interracial couple, and we sort of wish they had shown those talks before now. We also sort of wish we could have seen Nick and Rachel having some silly making-out-in-the-mud-esque fun in Dallas, but we can't have it all, and The Bachelor cannot spend an entire episode just on Rachel (since, you know, they're spending an entire season on her).
But for now, we can't yet see where this Nick and Rachel thing is going to fall apart.
Nick then headed to Miami to hang out with Corinne, and boy was it worth the wait. We've never related to him more as he discovered that Corinne is on a first name basis with the salespeople at multiple high end stores, and as he anxiously watched Corinne spend thousands and thousands of dollars (more than $3000 in one store!) on clothes with little regard for anything at all.
We also became fairly convinced that Nick has kept Corinne around this long just so we could all get this experience of seeing what life is really like for Corinne, her nanny, her credit card, and her cartoon character of a father.
At first, we thought Raquel was just going to serve the family dinner and then not get her own moment in the spotlight, but she and Nick even had a talk, and she asked what his intentions with Corinne were. That seems like more of a first date, 1960s sitcom question, but we're glad Raquel got to contribute.
Meanwhile, Corinne and her dad sprawled out on a bed and chatted about how Corinne likes expensive things.
"He used to sell software," Corinne told her dad when he asked what Nick does for a living. "Umm..."
Corinne's dad was understandably concerned about how much money Corinne and Nick might not have if they end up together, since Corinne's role in her family's business is still unclear, and Nick's current job is even more unclear.
Regardless, both Nick and Corinne insisted that money was whatever and their love was real. One of them may have insisted just a bit more than the other, but could you just imagine the reality show of these two trying to make it work? We kinda want it now.
In Canada, we sort of fell in love with Vanessa. She first took Nick to the school where she's a special education teacher for adults, and her students helped them create a scrapbook of all their Bachelor dates. That seemed like a weird activity for her students to do, but it was cute, and they seemed into it because they clearly really love Vanessa.
That part of Vanessa's hometown date went very well, but when they visited Vanessa's mom's side of the family, everyone was a little concerned, particularly about that minor question of where the hell Vanessa and Nick would live. Would Vanessa have to move away from her students? Would Nick have to move away from his...umm?
Apparently Nick and Vanessa hadn't had that big talk, or any big talk, yet.
Things didn't go much better with Vanessa's dad, since Nick asked for his blessing if he proposed, and Mr. Grimaldi just couldn't give it at first. Obviously, he had asked for the blessing of several other parents (though we don't remember hearing it. Did we?), and Vanessa's dad felt a little off about it.
He eventually said he would give his blessing, and then he immediately told Vanessa. Vanessa was thrilled at first, until her dad also told her that Nick had asked for blessings from everyone else, and then she understandably lost it, even though other women have also been driven to tears because the Bachelor didn't ask for their dad's blessing, because that's what you're supposed to do on the hometown date. No one can ever do it right, apparently.
But it really sounds like Vanessa thought he only cared for her until she talked to her dad, and we do not feel bad for her. Girl, you are on The Bachelor. This is how this works!
Everyone then headed to New York for the rose ceremony, and took their time getting ready, basically stalling until the cliffhanger of the century: Andi Dorfman arrived at Nick's door with a villainous "Hello, Nick," and "to be continued" flashed on the screen. Andi Dorfman?! Nick's ex from three seasons of The Bachelorette ago?! Why???
Knowing how this show usually works, she's just there to give him some advice or plug her book (It's Not Okay: Turning Heartbreak Into Happily Never After) and not to ask him to run away together with a dart board of Josh Murray's face in tow, but we can still hope it's the latter, right?
We're gonna hope it anyway.
The Bachelor airs Mondays at 8 p.m. on ABC.